


we talk like lovers and laugh like best friends.

by Idnis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Holidays, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Post-Hogwarts, School Reunion, Slow Dancing, Smut, but - Freeform, but also smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idnis/pseuds/Idnis
Summary: ‘Can’t you pretend?’ Seamus suggested. ‘Just say he couldn’t make it.’‘Yeah, you know Ginny and Neville will never fall for that. They’d sooner believe you’re my boyfriend.’Seamus’ heart stopped. And then he said something very brilliant,and very stupid.‘Why not?’Dean looked confused. ‘Why… not?’‘Yeah, why not tell them we’re together?’





	1. Part 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> I'm sooo late posting this because it took longer than expected but HEY. Guess who's back with some Deamus........ 
> 
> It's me.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also, this fic is beta'd by the ever so wonderful [ClockworkDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkDragon) ♡♡♡

part 1.  
the idea

 

Seamus had never wanted to hug an owl before.  
  
But when the tawny, fluffy owl tapped on his window and delivered a message from his best friend in the entire world, Seamus gave a shout of delight and hugged the owl close.  
  
_Dear Seamus,_ _  
_ _  
_ _It’s been a while, hasn’t it?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Sorry I haven’t been writing a lot. I’ve sent you a few emails, but I’m guessing you haven’t checked your account since I haven’t had a reply in three_ _months_ _._ _  
_ _  
_ Ah, yeah, Seamus had forgotten.  
  
_Anyway, I’ve booked a flight back to England. It’s two days early but I wanted some time to adjust to the time difference before we travel to Hogwarts._ _  
_ _I’m kind of looking forward to the reunion and kind of… not so much. It’s just a bit weird, isn’t it? Seeing everyone again after six years…  
_ _  
_ Not to Seamus it wasn’t.  
The reunion was the best thing to happen to him in years. Finally getting to hang out with his friends at Hogwarts again?  
Yeah. _Best_.  
  
_I’ve been dying to see your new apartment btw! I wish I could’ve visited your housewarming, but well, you know how it was at work._ _  
_ _Do you mind if I use one of my two days to visit your house? Get the grand tour? Send an owl to the Leaky Cauldron with your answer._  
  
_See you soon (finally!)._ _  
_ _  
_ _Love, Dean.  
  
_ Seamus stared at the letter.  
  
His heart pounded in his chest and his mouth spread into the biggest smile since one year ago, when he’d last seen Dean.  
When Dean had come to say goodbye before leaving to work in America for a year.  
  
Only _that_ smile had been followed by tears,  
tears hidden behind the sleeves of his sweater,  
tears hidden behind a joke and a grin.  
  
This smile was followed by nerves,  
by nervous fingers pulling on the edges of his sleeve,  
by nervous eyes reading the letter again and again and again.  
  
Seamus let out a shaky breath.  
  
Dean was coming to see his apartment in less than a week.  
Dean was coming back home,  
back to Seamus.  
Finally.  
  
With a finger, he traced the most important word in the letter,  
pressed into the paper in Dean’s fancy handwriting.  
  
_Love.  
  
_ x  
  
Normally, Seamus’ alarm clock didn't really work.  
  
It would ring and ring and ring,  
while Seamus kept on sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.  
  
But normally, Dean wasn’t coming over for the first time in a year.  
  
So when the alarm clock let out its first cry, Seamus opened his eyes and stared at his white ceiling, instantly wide awake.  
  
_Dean was coming over_.  
  
A huge, nervous smile spread on his face. He threw off his blankets and sat straight up in bed.  
  
He’d cleaned his room yesterday, cleaned every nook and cranny and corner, but now that he looked at it again, the artfully placed clutter just looked... _messy._    
  
‘Oh no,’ Seamus groaned, quickly getting out of bed.  
  
He only had four hours before Dean would be here via portkey or broom or…  
  
Seamus blinked.  
He had no idea how Dean would get here.  
  
Didn’t matter anyway.  
Dean would be here in _four_ hours, and Seamus noticed he’d left a newspaper from a month ago on his table because it had a cool picture of Ireland’s Quidditch team on the cover, but now he wondered if it just looked sloppy.  
  
Seamus raced towards it, but paused when he passed the hallway mirror and saw his reflection.  
  
He raked a hand through his hair, but it didn’t do much.  
  
Seamus groaned again.  
  
_Only four hours._  
  
x  
  
Four hours later, the familiar _schwoop_ of a portkey reaching its destination sounded in Seamus’ hallway.  
  
Seamus' heart jumped in his chest, and he’d no sooner jumped to his feet than there were three knocks on his door. Every heartbeat was singing _Dean Dean Dean_ as Seamus made his way to the door, half walking, half running. He wrenched the door open,  
and there he was.  
  
‘Dean!’ Seamus exclaimed, taking in warm brown eyes and a big smile before he launched himself at his best friend.  
  
Dean laughed and wrapped his arms around Seamus, lifting him up in the air. Because Seamus was small and Dean was tall and fit, they managed to twirl around three times before Dean put him down again.  
Though if it’d been up to Seamus, he would’ve never touched the floor again.  
His heart felt so _light_.  
  
Dean leaned back to take a good look at Seamus. ‘Feels like it’s been ages since I last saw you.’  
  
Seamus’ cheeks hurt, so big was his smile as he looked Dean over too. ‘Not my fault you fecked off to America, mate.’  
  
But oh wow, had it done Dean good.  
He looked _good_.  
Obviously he always looked good, but there was something in Dean’s eyes, something that had been missing before.  
Like something had settled.  
Like he’d found a missing puzzle piece.  
  
Seamus wanted to touch him again. His hands itched, but in the end he just slapped Dean’s shoulder. ‘Ready for the grand tour?’  
  
‘Absolutely.’  
  
x  
  
Giving a grand tour was very hard when all Seamus wanted to do was sit on his green couch and stare at his best friend.  
  
When they neared the end of the tour, he just sort of threw open his bedroom door, gestured inside, and said, ‘And this’s the bedroom. Done. Do you want some tea?’  
  
Dean _ooh_ -ed. ‘I don’t get to see the master bedroom? What’s this? Are you keeping secrets from me, mister Finnigan?’  
  
Only that he was in love with Dean.  
But that was hardly a _new_ secret.  
  
‘Nah, it's just not that interesting.’  
  
‘Mate, it’s you. It’s interesting to me.’  
  
Seamus felt his cheeks heat up. He waved Dean towards his bedroom. ‘You take a look then. I’ll go make some tea.’  
  
‘Alright,’ Dean said, already walking inside.  
  
Seamus watched him go, maybe watched his arse for a few seconds, then quickly fled before he got caught staring.  
  
He’d just put the kettle on when he heard Dean shout, ‘You kept this photo?’  
  
Seamus had kept quite a lot of photos, but there was only one on his bedside table.  
  
It had been taken on Christmas morning by Neville.  
Dean had gotten a new camera because he wanted to try his hand at photography, but before he could snap a picture with it, Neville had snatched it out of his hands.  
  
‘The first photo should be of you two,’ Neville had stated, so Dean had slung his arm around Seamus’ shoulder and pulled him close, pressing their shoulders against each other.  
  
Dean was holding that same photo when he appeared in the kitchen. ‘That sweater was horrible.’  
  
Seamus laughed. ‘Thanks mate.’  
  
‘No, no, I meant mine. _Merlin_ , look at how big it was. That didn’t fit me at all.’  
  
‘It’s cute.’  
  
Dean frowned at the picture. ‘No, yours is cute. Green is such a good colour for you, it’s unfair to all the Slytherins.’  
  
Seamus froze, tea bag in hand. He stared at the two empty mugs in front of him and felt his cheeks and ears and neck turn bright red.  
  
‘When was this again?’ Dean asked.  
  
‘Uh.’ Seamus cleared his throat. ‘Fourth year.’  
  
‘That long ago, huh?’ Dean stared almost wistfully at the picture, then turned back to the bedroom. ‘I’ll put it back.’  
  
Seamus sighed and touched his cheeks.  
They were still burning. He hoped it wouldn’t be noticeable. He hoped Dean wouldn’t see. It would be the end of the world if Dean saw, and _knew_.  
  
The kettle started whistling insistently, so Seamus finished making the tea.

When Dean returned, he immediately took one mug from him.  
  
They moved to the couch,  
sat down,  
and stared at each other.  
  
‘So,’ Dean said. ‘Tell me _everything_.’  
  
x  
  
Hours and hours and three cups of tea later, Seamus still hadn’t had enough of seeing Dean in his small, Dublin apartment.  
Outside, the sky was already darkening, and Seamus’ stomach bubbled with excitement when he realised he’d get to make Dean dinner.  
  
‘What d’you want to eat?’ he asked.  
  
Dean looked over his shoulder at the window. ‘Wow, it’s already dark?’ He turned back. ‘I have no idea, whatever you’d like to eat. We could order something.’  
  
‘No!’ Seamus said immediately.  
  
Dean gave him a funny look.  
  
‘I mean, no, that’s alright. I have things in the fridge.’  
  
Seamus quickly stood up to show Dean the amount of vegetables he had—just to impress.  
Only people who had their life together bought more than one vegetable, and Seamus was determined to show Dean that he was one of those now.  
  
Because apart from missing his best friend to death,  
it had stung slightly to hear that Dean was being sent to America because he was so good at his job.  
  
It wasn’t that Seamus didn’t want Dean to succeed. He wanted him to succeed and to be happy more than anything.  
But he didn’t want Dean to look back and see that Seamus was miles behind.  
He wanted to walk next to him.  
Hand in hand, ideally.  
  
‘I could make curry,’ Seamus suggested.

‘Oh, I love curry.’  
  
_I know_ , Seamus wanted to say, but he swallowed the words and grabbed vegetables and chicken from the fridge.  
  
Immediately, the tomatoes were grabbed from his hands. ‘I’ll cut them,’ Dean offered.  
  
Seamus’ heart skipped a beat, but he pretended to be totally cool about it.  
They were just cooking dinner together.  
It was just something friends did.  
And couples.  
  
‘Sure, thanks mate,’ he replied.  
  
For a few moments, the only sounds were knives hitting the cutting board and the fire on the stove heating up the pan.  
Then Seamus asked, ‘You said the reunion would be weird. Why d’you think?’  
  
‘I dunno, it’s just weird. You know how reunions are… People trying to upstage each other with how big they’ve made it.’  
  
‘But you’ve been to America. That’s brilliant.’  
  
‘It is, but…’ Dean fell silent.  
  
He was silent for so long that Seamus sneaked a glance over his shoulder.  
Dean was staring at the diced tomato on his cutting board with a frown on his face. It looked kind of cute.  
  
‘What’s wrong?’ Seamus asked.  
  
Dean looked up. The expression on his face looked kinda... guilty. ‘I haven’t exactly told you everything about America.’  
  
‘So tell me?’  
  
‘I—I met someone.’  
  
It was like being put under the cruciatus curse.  
The pain started in Seamus' stomach, nearly causing Seamus to double over, then spread through his body until it gathered around his heart.  
  
Seamus forced himself to take a calm breath. ‘Oh,’ he said. ‘That’s good, isn’t it?’  
  
Dean’s eyes dropped. ‘We broke up.’  
  
‘Oh,’ Seamus said again.  
  
An awkward silence filled the small kitchen.  
  
Until, finally, Dean started talking.  
  
‘Long story short, he didn’t want to move to England for me, and I told him I didn’t want to live in America for the rest of my life. I mean... My life is here, my family lives here. _You_ are here. I couldn’t simply stay in America, could I?’  
  
‘Er, I dunno,’ Seamus said awkwardly, feeling the need to gasp for air.  
  
_He_.  
  
_Since when did Dean like blokes?  
  
_ ‘Well, I know. America was fun, and he was great, truly, but I don’t want to stay there. And if he doesn’t want to move to England, well... That’s the end of it, isn’t it?’  
  
Seamus’ ears were ringing. He was having a hard time keeping up with this onslaught of information.  
  
‘I suppose,’ he replied faintly.  
  
‘Only problem is...’ God, Seamus wasn’t sure he was ready for another problem. ‘I told Neville and Ginny.’  
  
‘Told them what?’  
  
Dean grimaced as he grabbed the other tomato and started slicing it up. ‘Told them I had a boyfriend.’  
  
‘Just tell ‘em the truth?’  
  
‘Yeah, I would… If they hadn’t already told the rest.’  
  
‘Okay…’ Seamus said slowly. He didn’t really get the problem. ‘And you can’t tell them because?’  
  
Dean looked up in frustration. ‘‘Cause I was stupid and boasted about him and said he’d be coming with me.’  
  
‘Wha— But you can’t even take extras with you, can you?’  
  
‘Sure you can, on the last day of the week.’  
  
‘Oh.’  
  
Seamus hadn’t known this.  
  
Perhaps because he’d never had a plus one to worry about.  
Perhaps because he’d been in love with Dean since third year and hadn’t bothered looking at anyone else.  
In his mind, Seamus conveniently left out the late night encounters in Dublin city. They didn’t count. They were only fleeting and fun.  
They didn’t make his heart stop in his chest like Dean did.  
  
Dean groaned. ‘The tomato’s done. Like me. God, I messed up so bad.’ He wiped his hands on his trousers and gave Seamus a weak smile. ‘Sorry. I didn’t want to ruin our first reunion by complaining and now I’ve gone and told you everything.’  
  
_Not everything_ , Seamus thought.  
  
Not _his_ name  
or why he caught your attention  
or why he was a he in the first place.  
  
‘Can’t you pretend?’ Seamus suggested. ‘Just say he couldn’t make it.’  
  
‘Yeah, you know Ginny and Neville will never fall for that. They’d sooner believe _you’re_ my boyfriend.’  
  
Seamus’ heart  
stopped.  
  
He coughed. And coughed. Slapped his chest to try and get his heart back to work.  
And then he said something very brilliant,  
and very stupid.  
  
‘Why not?’  
  
Dean looked confused. ‘Why… not?’  
  
‘Yeah, why not tell them we’re together?’ Seamus’ cheeks were _burning_ , but he pressed on. ‘We’re together all the time anyway. Shouldn’t be so hard to convince them, right?’  
  
Dean frowned. ‘I mean… I guess, but. Wouldn’t that be awkward?’  
  
‘No, mate. I’m not afraid to touch you or anything.’ _I’d only die if you held my hand._ ‘Besides, wouldn’t it be more awkward to tell them about the break up?’  
  
Dean stared at Seamus. It was hard to see what he was thinking.  
  
‘Yeah…’ he said slowly. ‘I guess it would be. But are you sure? What would we do after?’  
  
Seamus shrugged. ‘We could say it didn’t work out. Happens all the time, right?’  
  
At least, that was what the movies said.  
  
‘Huh,’ Dean said. ‘Well. If you really don’t mind…’  
  
‘I don’t.’  
  
‘Then yeah, that would be less awkward than confessing I fell for the whole holiday romance thing.’  
  
Seamus turned back around and put the chicken in the pan. He tried to sound casual as he asked, ‘How did that happen anyway?’  
  
‘Oh, it’s a dull story. I was running late for work because I wasn’t used to the time difference and I bumped into him, spilling coffee all over myself of course. He offered to treat me to a coffee after work and I accepted and well… It clicked.’  
  
Seamus’ throat felt dry.  
He tried to swallow away the thickness in his veins, the burning sensation behind his eyes, and the accusatory words in his mouth. _  
_ _  
_ _Why didn’t you tell me?_  
  
‘Mm,’ Dean said, leaning closer and sniffing the air. ‘Smells nice.’  
  
Seamus smiled weakly. ‘Want to taste?’  
  
‘Yep.’ Dean grinned and opened his mouth. Seamus shovelled a piece of chicken in his mouth and Dean _mmm_ -ed so ridiculously that Seamus felt his smile grow again.  
  
It still hurt.  
But whatever the reason, it must’ve been good.  
Dean must’ve had his reasons.  
Seamus would just have to trust him.  
  
Seamus fished a piece of chicken out of the pan to try for himself if it was any good.  
  
‘So glad you’re my boyfriend now,’ Dean said with a grin, stealing Seamus’ spoon. ‘You make a mean curry, mate.’  
  
Seamus nearly choked on his own spit.  
  
x  
  
Lying on their sides, the air outside dark and cold, they stared at each other in the dark.  
  
‘Dean?’ Seamus whispered.  
  
‘Hm?’ Dean sounded half-asleep.  
  
‘Why didn’t you tell me you liked blokes?’  
  
Dean was quiet.  
So quiet it seemed like he was sleeping.  
So quiet it seemed like he wasn’t even here.  
Like this wasn’t even real and Seamus was dreaming again.  
  
‘‘M sorry,’ Dean whispered. ‘Thought you’d see me differently.’  
  
‘I’d never,’ Seamus whispered heatedly.  
  
Dean smiled,  
and his breath brushed over Seamus’ skin.  
  
‘I know. I should’ve known. Sorry.’  
  
‘Don’t say sorry.’  
  
‘Are _you_ going to say sorry for ignoring my emails?’  
  
Seamus pouted. ‘I don’t like email.’  
  
Dean laughed and pushed lightly against Seamus’ shoulder. ‘But owl post takes so long!’  
  
Dean’s hand lingered  
and Seamus wished he wasn’t wearing a shirt.  
Wished nothing would separate him and Dean ever again.  
  
He whispered, ‘I’d rather not write you again.’  
  
Dean’s cheerful smile turned soft. ‘I know.’  
  
He trailed his hand over Seamus’ arm, very lightly, then dropped it between them on the bed.  
  
His fingers were so close to Seamus’ mouth.  
  
Seamus wanted to lean forward and press a soft kiss to every finger.  
His heart ached inside his chest as he felt so much love and pride,  
so much happiness that his best friend was here again.  
Next to him.  
  
‘I’m sorry you were hurt, but I’m glad you didn’t stay in America,’ Seamus confessed.  
  
Dean laughed. ‘I missed you.’  
  
‘I missed you too,’ Seamus mumbled, before he fell asleep to the sound of Dean’s calm breathing.  
  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next part; ‘Surprise,’ Seamus laughed nervously.
> 
> Eep, I'm so excited to write about the boys again. I hope you are too!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and if you want, let me know what you thought of the first chapter! <3


	2. Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> Woops. This chapter is a little late buuut. Good news. The fic is done! So I'll probably upload more often now :) 
> 
> So stay tuned for more deamus. Hihi.
> 
> Enjoy!

part 2.  
the reunion

 

Something inside Seamus halted  
when Hogwarts came into view.  
  
Something inside him stuttered  
when they walked across the courtyard.  
  
‘That’s where Lavender—’   
  
He stopped himself.   
Stopped himself from pointing, from finishing that sentence, yet his eyes were glued to the corner of the courtyard, the corner that had collapsed, that had buried the werewolf and—  
  
Dean’s hands clasped around Seamus’ face  
and turned his face away.  
  
‘Seamus. Look at me.’  
  
Seamus did.  
  
‘It’s time to greet the living today, Seamus. Not the dead.’  
  
Seamus swallowed, then nodded.   
  
Dean’s eyes softened. ‘If you want, we can visit the graves this week.’  
  
‘Yeah. I’d like that.’  
  
‘Then we’ll do that.’  
  
Dean dropped his hands and turned back to the castle.  
  
‘Dean,’ Seamus said, and Dean stopped. He looked at Seamus with the warmest eyes Seamus had ever seen. ‘Thank you.'  
  
Dean said, ‘Anything for you, mate.’  
  
Seamus’ heart beat wildly in his chest in response.  
  
x  
  
The Great Hall was bustling with people.

Seamus only got a glimpse of the long, wooden tables and a whiff of the familiar smell of a Hogwarts feast before he was almost thrown to the ground by Neville.  
  
‘Seamus!’  
  
‘Neville,’ Seamus said in a muffled voice, face currently pressed in Neville’s sweater.  
  
‘Seamus.’  
  
Seamus smiled. ‘Neville.’  
  
Neville swayed them side to side, arms wrapped so tightly around Seamus it was impossible to break loose.  
Not that Seamus wanted to.   
He loved Neville.  
  
‘I see who you missed more,’ Dean commented dryly.  
  
‘Nonsense,’ Neville said, and released Seamus. ‘Come get your uncomfortably long hug.’  
  
Dean immediately moved into Neville’s open arms, and they hugged and swayed for a fair amount of time while Seamus peered around them.  
He recognised Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table, sitting next to Ginny, who’d just spotted him and was now walking towards them.  
  
Seamus sort of liked her.   
It was kinda difficult to form a tight friendship when she’d snogged Dean in front of his face. Multiple times.   
  
‘Dean!’ she exclaimed, and ran towards them, a smile on her face.  
  
Dean barely managed to peel himself off of Neville before Ginny leapt into his arms.  
  
Dean laughed. ‘Woah, easy there. You lift more than me. I could’ve gotten hurt.’  
  
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Ginny laughed. ‘I feel some muscles here, alright.’  
  
‘Guess we’ll have to settle it the old-fashioned way.’  
  
‘Oh, don’t think I’ll go easy on you. I train three times a week now.’  
  
‘Oh boy,’ Neville said. ‘Have you been eating lemon drops again, Seamus? You’re looking a little _sour_.’  
  
Seamus shot Neville a look that made Neville snicker. ‘I missed this.’  
  
‘I didn’t,’ Seamus muttered.  
  
Neville patted Seamus’ shoulder. ‘Hey, I’m here for you. I’m always up to bond over unrequited love.’  
  
'What? You asked Luna out ages ago.’  
  
‘Oh, I did.’  
  
‘Why unrequited love?’  
  
Neville held up his hands.  
They were covered in scratches.  
  
‘We adopted a cat and she doesn’t love me.’  
  
Seamus shook his head, smiling. ‘Okay, mate.’  
  
x  
  
Hogwarts food was still the best food Seamus had ever tasted.   
  
Hence why he was absolutely going to town on it, having vowed to himself to eat something from every available dish, when Ginny said, ‘So tell us about the boyfriend, Dean.’   
  
Seamus looked up with wide eyes and mashed potatoes on his cheeks.  
  
Dean met his gaze calmly—but Seamus saw him wiping clammy hands on his trousers—then turned to Ginny. ‘Well…’ he said hesitatingly.   
  
People around them leaned in to hear him better.   
  
Dean’s cheeks turned red. ‘He’s, uh. You’re going to meet him. Uh, already did actually.’  
  
‘What?’ Neville asked, confused.  
  
‘It’s like, uh. It’s like this? With, uh. Seamus,’ Dean said, looking desperately at him.  
  
‘It’s Seamus?’ Neville asked, and the rest snickered at the joke, when.   
  
‘Uh. Yes,’ Dean said.  
  
There was absolute silence at the table.  
  
Everybody turned to look at Seamus, who felt his cheeks heat up at all the stares.  
  
‘Wait,’ Neville said slowly, leaning back. ‘Wait, are you serious?’  
  
‘Surprise,’ Seamus laughed nervously.  
  
Ginny’s fork was left hanging mid-air. ‘ _Whaaat_.’  
  
‘You’re not joking?’ Neville asked, eyes so wide Seamus thought they would pop out. ‘You’re not, like, teasing me into thinking my Christmas wish has finally come true?’  
  
‘What?’ Dean asked.  
  
‘You’re actually together together?’ Ron asked. ‘Like, boyfriends together?’  
  
Dean laughed awkwardly. ‘Yep.’  
  
A potato fell off Ginny’s fork. ‘Wow,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe it.’  
  
And that wasn’t good.   
While the surprise was to be expected, they needed everyone to believe they were together, or Dean would need to explain what had happened after all.  
  
Or else this would be over before it had truly begun.  
  
Seamus saw Dean repeatedly wiping his hands on his trousers, which was becoming quite noticeable,  
so he held out his hand.   
Dean stared at it for two seconds before he realised what Seamus was trying to do.   
  
He grabbed Seamus’ hand.   
  
‘See?’ Seamus said. ‘Told you they would be surprised.’  
  
Dean squeezed Seamus’ hand almost painfully hard. ‘I didn’t think it was _that_ much of a shock,’ he said with a smile.   
  
The smile looked slightly forced, but everyone was still recovering so Seamus hoped they didn’t notice.  
  
‘It’s just—’ Neville opened and closed his mouth several times, then narrowed his eyes at Seamus. ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’  
  
‘Dean asked me to keep it a secret,’ Seamus lied. ‘He wanted to surprise you.’  
  
‘Hm,’ Neville said, staring intensely at Seamus.   
  
Seamus tried to give him a happy smile, but he wasn’t sure it worked.   
Neville still looked suspiciously at them both.  
  
‘I’m so happy for you, mate,’ Ginny said, putting down her fork to give Dean a big hug.  
  
‘Me too,’ Luna said softly from beside Neville. ‘You two are perfect for each other.’  
  
Seamus’ heart skipped a beat.

He looked shyly at Dean and nearly jolted when he noticed Dean was already looking at him.  
  
Dean let go of the tight hold he had on Seamus’ hand, instead carefully intertwining their fingers.   
The touch sent shivers up Seamus’ arm,  
and he was glad his jumper covered up the goosebumps.  
  
x  
  
The common room looked like it always had.   
  
Warm, comfortable, and red.   
  
Seamus trailed a hand over the soft cushions of the sofa Dean and him had so often shared.   
Dean with his sketchbook, one pencil behind his ear and one in his hands,  
and Seamus with a quidditch magazine, a newspaper or homework.  
And, if Seamus felt brave, he would put his legs on Dean’s lap, relishing in the feeling of touching Dean so casually.  
  
Dean sat down on that same sofa now.   
  
He stretched and smiled in satisfaction. ‘This feels just as great as I remembered.’  
  
The rest of the group had already taken their respective seats, all except for Luna, who looked around in wonder.   
Neville, who’d sat down on the carpet, tugged on her hand. ‘Love, are you gonna sit next to me?’  
  
‘No, I think,’ Luna said, ‘I want to wander around the common room.’  
  
She leaned down, blond hair falling over her shoulders, and gave Neville a small kiss before wandering off.  
  
Seamus’ chest filled with warmth, and he quickly plopped down beside Dean. ‘It’s great to be back.’  
  
‘I’ll say,’ Ron said.  
  
‘I missed the common room so much,’ Harry said, his delight clear on his face.  
  
Hermione nodded. ‘I didn’t think I’d miss it, but now that I’m here…’  
  
‘Oh!’ Neville suddenly exclaimed.   
  
He pointed at something above Seamus’ head.    
Seamus looked up, and saw a plant beginning to grow in the air. It was green with white and... It was a feckin’ mistletoe.  
  
‘You know what that means,’ Luna said softly from behind them.   
  
Seamus was no fool.  
He saw her tucking away her wand.   
  
This must be Neville’s doing. He probably still didn’t believe they were really together.  
  
‘Uh,’ Dean said.  
  
Seamus leaned closer.  
  
‘Uhhh,’ Dean said, eyes widening.  
  
Afraid Dean was going to give them away, Seamus lifted his hand and cupped Dean’s cheek, hopefully hiding his reaction a little.  
  
‘Pucker up, mate,’ Seamus smiled.  
  
He vaguely saw Dean close his eyes before he closed his own,  
and pressed his lips against Dean’s mouth.  
  
Dean made a soft noise in the back of his throat, a noise that made Seamus’ blood run hot, and then he shyly pushed back, moving his mouth against Seamus’.  
  
Seamus’ heart stopped.  
  
His chest felt so warm, so unbelievably warm and _light_.  
Seamus’ fingers twitched against Dean’s cheek as their kiss deepened, as their head tilted so they would fit together more perfectly.   
  
‘Wow,’ Neville whispered, ‘It really does feel like Christmas.’  
  
There was a strange wobble in his voice.  
  
Dean and Seamus quickly leaned back. Seamus had forgotten all about their friends, sitting just a few feet away.  
He’d forgotten about anything really, aside from Dean’s lips and how soft—   
Cheeks burning, Seamus pointedly turned away from Dean, and looked to Neville instead.  
  
There were actual tears in Neville’s eyes.   
  
Seamus’ heart ached as he realized his friend was so happy for them, was happy seeing them together, but then it slowly dawned on Seamus what this _also_ meant.  
  
He watched in horror as Neville opened his mouth and started in a wobbly voice, ‘I’m just so happy you’re finally—’

Seamus tackled Neville to the ground.   
He tried to disguise it as a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Neville and patting his back.   
‘Thanks, mate,’ Seamus murmured, feeling like he’d just saved his dignity.  
  
x  
  
While half of the group sneaked down to the kitchens to get more food and drinks, Neville stayed behind with Seamus.  
  
‘I mean it, Seamus. I know how long you’ve been in love with Dean.’  
  
Seamus nearly choked on his firewhiskey.  
  
‘I know how long you’ve wanted this,’ Neville continued. ‘I’m just so glad to finally see you together, to finally see something come of those pining looks you’ve been giving each other.’  
  
Seamus laughed. ‘You mean my constipated face?’  
  
‘No, I meant the pining looks you’ve been giving each other the past eight years.’  
  
The portrait swung open and loud voices filled the common room again as the others returned.   
Through the haze of firewhiskey Seamus’ knew he was having a conversation with Neville, just like he knew he’d just finished his third… or fourth… drink…   
But then he heard Dean’s laugh,   
a sound he’d lived without for a year,  
and his eyes instantly glued themselves to Dean’s happy smile and warm eyes.  
  
Dean was in a conversation with Ginny, arms full of food,  
but he must’ve felt Seamus’ eyes on him because he turned his head.   
  
Their eyes met and Seamus’ stomach flipped,  
a warm and exciting feeling bubbling in his stomach like champagne.  
  
‘Yeah,’ Neville sighed. ‘Those looks.’  
  
x   
  
They stumbled upstairs to their old dormitory,  
and struggled into their pyjamas, barely managing to stay upright.  
  
‘ _Feck_ , I’ve had too much to drink,’ Seamus muttered. ‘Nothing’s stayin’ in place.’  
  
‘Except my _loove_ ,’ Neville slurred, ‘for you.’  
  
Dean laughed. ‘Saaaame.’  
  
Seamus joined in their laughter and crawled to his old bed. It had been so long ago since he’d last slept here, and yet it felt so familiar. Like stepping into old boots.  
  
‘And—and no buggering,’ Neville said. ‘I love you, but not—not _that_ much.’  
  
‘I’ll say,’ Ron muttered. ‘Just thinking about it is too much.’  
  
‘Rude,’ Dean said. ‘I’m sure Seamus sounds ab-so-lutely lovely.’  
  
‘You’re sure?’ Neville repeated. ‘Shouldn’t you, you know, know?’  
  
‘What did he say?’ Seamus asked, too busy fighting with his blanket to really pay attention to their conversation. It just didn’t want to curl around him the way he liked it. Feckin’ blanket.

‘Ignore everyone,’ Harry said, his voice surprisingly sober. ‘You don’t need to pretend you’re not sleeping together.’  
  
‘Good,’ Dean slurred, and stepped promptly out of bed. He wobbled his way over to Seamus and then half fell down on the bed. ‘Scoot over.’  
  
‘Wha—’ Seamus asked, but Dean grabbed his blanket and lifted it high in the air allowing _freezing_ air to reach Seamus’ poor, drunk body. ‘Stop that!’  
  
Dean laughed and quickly jumped in bed with him. ‘We have permission from Harry to spoon,’ he said and wrapped his arms around Seamus. He pulled Seamus’ back flush against his stomach and sighed into his neck. ‘That’s better.’  
  
‘Oh my feckin’ god,’ Seamus whispered.  
  
He ought to pat himself on the back later,   
because he could feel Dean’s cock against his arse and Dean’s heartbeat against his shoulder.   
  
What a perfect outcome to an, admittedly, not so brilliant idea.  
  
x   
  
Waking up to Neville staring down at them with tears in his eyes was definitely… a new experience.  
  
‘What the fuck!’ Seamus exclaimed, trying to throw Dean’s arm off of him and falling out of the bed as a result.  
  
The floor was a cold, cold mistress.   
  
Seamus yelped and quickly climbed back into bed. He pulled the blankets back over himself, and Dean, who was still wrapped in said blankets, rolled over to follow the warmth.  
  
‘Mmm,’ Dean said sleepily, nuzzling into Seamus’ shirt. ‘You smell so nice.’  
  
‘ _Mate_ ,’ Seamus hissed, while giving Neville the biggest stink-eye he could muster. ‘Mate, wake up.’  
  
‘This is the cutest,’ Neville said. ‘I want to remember this moment forever. I want it painted.’  
  
‘I can paint,’ Dean said sleepily, wrapping an arm around Seamus and pulling him back down. ‘It’s too early to be awake.’  
  
Seamus let himself be manhandled into a lying position because Dean’s sleepy voice was too adorable.  
  
‘Yes,’ Neville said. ‘Perfect.’  
  
‘Oh my _god_ ,’ Seamus hissed. He grabbed his pillow and threw it at Neville’s head. Neville ducked and evaded the pillow and then walked away. Laughing.  
  
‘You can curse me all you want, but I won’t forget, Mr. Finnigan.’  
  
Seamus wanted to curse him out alright, but then Dean nuzzled into his shirt again and Seamus forgot to breathe entirely.  
  
‘Good mornin’ mate,’ he whispered.  
  
Dean made a content sound in the back of his throat,   
before promptly falling asleep again.  
  
Yeah, Neville was right.  
  
This was the cutest thing Seamus had ever seen.  
  
x  
  
The first day of the reunion was, excitingly, lessons.   
  
It should’ve been boring, Seamus thought,   
but he found himself bouncing on his seat with excitement.   
  
It was amazing to sit in the classroom again, to sit on the slightly uncomfortable wooden chairs and breathe in the smell of magic.   
To see Hermione’s hand shoot up when a professor asked a question.   
  
It was fun to pretend they were students,   
that they were studying at Hogwarts without a war breaking them apart.   
Without a war murdering many of their—  
  
_Poof_ .   
  
Seamus’ quill was on fire.  
  
‘Aw _shite_ ,’ Seamus swore, muttering an extinguishing spell under his breath.   
  
He watched as the fire quickly grew smaller and smaller until just a sliver of smoke drifted up from his blackened feather.  
  
Dean leaned over. ‘You okay?’  
  
Before Seamus could answer, Hermione—who had been watching him with interest—said, ‘That’s wandless magic.’  
  
‘Yeah. Don’t think you’d be surprised at how many times I need to use this spell,’ Seamus said.  
  
‘Still,’ Hermione said. ‘That’s impressive.’  
  
‘It’s nothing.’  
  
Dean bumped his shoulder. ‘You never told me you could do wandless magic.’  
  
_You never told me you had a boyfriend._   
  
Seamus swallowed the words before he could say them out loud. He shrugged. ‘Like I said, it’s nothing special.’   
  
‘Don’t say that,’ Dean said. He looked at Seamus’ hand still clenching his quill, and after a few seconds, put his hand over Seamus’. ‘You’re special.’  
  
Seamus’ stomach felt warm and fuzzy and also like a whirlwind was wreaking havoc inside him.   
  
He gave Dean a brilliant smile   
and he wanted so badly to lean forward and kiss him  
and he wanted so badly for it be real if he did.  
  
‘And don’t forget the ball at the end of the week,’ McGonagall spoke up. ‘I _do_ hope you’ve all gotten better at dancing, or do I need to remind you of the tragedy that was the Yule Ball?’  
  
‘Wow, she left no one alive,’ Neville whispered.  
  
McGonagall gave him a wink. ‘I usually don’t, Mr. Longbottom.’  
  
‘Badass,’ Neville breathed.  
  
x  
  
In a lot of ways, being a couple with Dean wasn’t anything new, really.   
  
They touched a lot,  
but they always had,  
and they talked about everything,   
but they always did.  
  
Seamus observed Dean’s profile as he worked on a few designs for work then dropped his gaze to his legs, which were currently resting on Dean’s lap.  
  
Dean’s hand was absent-mindedly rubbing up and down Seamus’ leg,  
and _that_ ,   
that was new.   
  
It was a new touch,  
a more intimate touch.  
  
It was a touch that made Seamus want to lean in,  
made him want to be _alone_ with Dean.  
  
Seamus tried in vain to focus on his magazine, but he found himself biting his lip as he stared dazedly at Dean.  
  
‘Oh geez,’ Neville said, when he joined them near the fireplace. ‘I see it’s not just the fire that’s hot and bothered.’

Confused, Dean looked up, then followed Neville’s gaze.  
  
As soon as their gazes connected,   
as soon as Dean recognised what he was seeing in Seamus’ eyes,  
Dean’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned red,  
nicely matching Seamus’ own.  
  
‘ _Feck off_ ,’ Seamus spluttered. ‘It’s just warm, Neville.’  
  
‘Uhu, sure. I don’t believe that for a second, mate. I spent puberty with you. I know what your horny face looks like.’ Holyshite, Seamus’ cheeks were _burning_ . ‘But don’t worry,’ Neville said, _still_ not done talking. ‘There’s no one in the dorm right now.’  
  
He winked at them.  
_Feck_ .   
Seamus wanted to disappear into the couch. His gaze flickered awkwardly to Dean.   
Would it be weird to act like they didn’t want to go upstairs together?   
Would they even be that kind of couple, who still jumped on the opportunity to, _you know_ , even after being together for like half a year.   
  
Seamus eyed Dean’s warm eyes,   
full lips,   
and toned arms.   
  
_Oh yeah_ .   
Oh yeah, he’d be into that _all_ the time.  
  
Dean shifted when he noticed Seamus’ gaze, then abruptly moved to his feet. ‘Let’s go,’ he said rather stiffly, and Seamus let himself dream that he _was_ .  
  
But at Neville’s grin, Seamus quickly shook away the dirty thoughts and followed Dean up the stairs.  
  
When the door closed behind them,   
Seamus turned to Dean.  
  
‘What now?’  
  
Dean laughed. ‘We could take a nap?’  
  
x  
  
Sitting on the ground with their back against the bed,   
all Seamus could focus on was the fact that their legs would touch if he shifted a bit to the left.   
  
It took everything he had not to immediately scoot over.  
  
Instead, he asked the question he’d really rather not ask. ‘Tell me about your boyfriend.’

‘He’s not my boyfriend anymore, Seamus.’  
  
‘Your ex, then.’  
  
Dean sighed. ‘What’s there to tell? He didn’t love me enough to move to England for me.’  
  
Seamus stared at their legs,  
so close yet so far.   
  
That summed up his crush on Dean pretty well, actually.

‘Yeah, okay, but tell me what you liked about him.’  
  
‘He was energetic.’  
  
Seamus waited for a few seconds, but Dean remained silent.  
  
‘What? That’s it?’ Seamus looked in surprise at Dean, who laughed at his reaction. ‘Wait. Is this a sex joke or something?’  
  
Dean pulled a face. ‘Oh god no. I wouldn’t talk to you about my sex life.’  
  
‘You wouldn’t?’  
  
Dean shifted. ‘You want me to?’  
  
‘I mean...’ _I only think about you naked all the time. No biggie._ ‘Yeah? I’m your best mate.’  
  
‘Oh,’ Dean said shyly. ‘Oh, okay. Well. It wasn’t a sex joke. He was just… Just energetic, I guess. He pulled me out of my apartment, pulled me out of my head whenever I felt stuck. That was nice. He showed me a lot of New York.’  
  
‘So he was a hot tour guide, that’s what yer saying?’  
  
Dean laughed. ‘I thought you wanted to know about him.’  
  
‘Yeah, but I never said I wanted to _like_ him.’  
  
Dean’s laugh turned into a soft smile.  
One that clubbed Seamus over the head with the beauty of it, heart pounding painfully in his chest.  
  
‘That’s it?’ he asked quickly, almost breathlessly. ‘No more details? Like, is he a cat person? Does he hate dogs? Is he a fan of West Ham United?’  
  
‘You’re not even a fan of West Ham United,’ Dean said, amused. ‘But no, he doesn’t hate dogs. I don’t even know if he’s a cat or dog person actually.’

‘Pffsh,’ Seamus huffed. ‘I’m fan enough.’  
  
‘Oh, yeah? You watch their last game?’  
  
‘What?’ Seamus asked, feigning shock. ‘They’re still playing?’  
  
Dean laughed, warm eyes squinting as he laughed so loudly Seamus worried Neville would know they weren’t… _you know_.  
  
‘I missed you so much,’ Dean said, wiping the tears from his eyes.  
  
_Oof_.  
Seamus sucked in a deep breath, feeling like the air had been punched from his lungs.  
  
‘I missed you too,’ he replied quietly,  
and scooted over,  
pressing their legs together.  
  
They were quiet for a while,  
sitting on the ground in their old dormitory,  
simply breathing together.  
  
Seamus wondered what Dean was thinking about.  
He hoped it was about him.  
  
‘Do you know what I—’  
  
‘You’re a dog person, Seamus.’  
  
x  
  
Neville elbowed Seamus playfully in the side when they returned downstairs.  
But before Neville could say anything embarrassing, Dean excused himself and walked to Ginny, who was talking quidditch with Ron and Harry if their wild gestures were anything to go by.   
  
‘So? Enjoyed your private time?’  
  
Seamus had never talked about sex with Neville before, except for that one disaster of a conversation when Neville had first gotten together with Luna.  
Seamus had quickly blurted out, ‘I’m so gay! _’_    
To which Neville had shrugged,  
cheeks vibrant red,  
and bulldozed on about how awkward his first time had been because Seamus was his best friend and he should suffer as much as Neville.  
  
‘Uh,’ Seamus said, staring at Neville with wide eyes. ‘We didn’t actually…’  
  
‘What? You had the chance to live out your teenage fantasy and you didn’t?’   
  
Seamus’ cheeks flamed. ‘That wasn’t my teenage—’  
  
He stopped himself.  
Lying about his relationship was one thing.  
  
‘Thought so,’ Neville said. ‘No but seriously, why didn’t you? Is everything okay between you two?’ He frowned. ‘Is he treating you alright?’  
  
‘Stop,’ Seamus hissed. He looked over his shoulder to check if anyone had heard, but Dean was engrossed in the Very Important Quidditch discussion. ‘It’s not that. Dean is… Dean’s perfect.’  
  
‘Yes, but that’s _your_ heart speaking. It’s my job to check if he’s actually perfect to you.’  
  
Seamus lightly smacked Neville. ‘I thought you liked Dean.’  
  
Leaning closer, Neville’s face was _very_ serious when he said, ‘I like you more.’  
  
And if that didn’t make Seamus’ heart feel warm and too full with feelings.  
He swallowed away the sudden urge to cry and lightly smacked Neville again.  
  
‘Stop, you’re not supposed to pick a favourite.’  
  
‘Everyone picks favourites.’  
  
‘I don’t think I’d be able to choose between you and Dean,’ Seamus said honestly.  
  
‘Sure you could. Just depends on what you’re focussing on. I mean, whose dick do you want to see the most?’  
  
Even Seamus’ neck burned bright red as he tried to come up with an answer that wasn’t embarrassing. He ended up spluttering something along the lines of, ‘ _Mate_. No.’  
  
Neville burst out laughing. ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But seriously,’ he said. ‘Tell me if something goes wrong. I want to help if I can.’  
  
Overwhelmed with love for his best friend, Seamus wrapped his arms around Neville and hugged him tightly.  
  
‘Thank you.’  
  
x  
  
After stuffing themselves too full with basically everything at dinner, the Gryffindors and Luna made their way to the stairs. Seamus was already looking forward to another glass of firewhiskey when Dean tapped his shoulder.  
  
‘Care to visit the graves?’ he asked quietly.  
  
Oh, Dean had remembered.   
  
Seamus didn’t want to miss out on hanging with his friends, but he’d also been wanting to go for some time now.  
He nodded, and they’d just turned towards the entrance when Neville called after them.  
  
‘Hey, where are you going? I thought we were supposed to play chess and drink a considerable amount of firewhiskey?’  
  
‘I need some fresh air,’ Seamus called back.  
  
‘I’ll bring him back soon,’ Dean said with a smile.  
  
But Neville didn’t smile back.  
Instead, he narrowed his eyes as he looked at them. Eventually, Seamus just sort of awkwardly waved and turned away, Dean following close behind.  
  
‘Does Neville… suspect?’ Dean whispered.  
  
‘Don’t think so,’ Seamus muttered. ‘Think he’s just worried.’  
  
‘That’s good,’ Dean said seriously. ‘Friends need to look out for each other. I wish I— no, never mind.’  
  
They walked through the double doors and immediately got hit in the face with a cold, cold wind.  
Seamus shivered. ‘Should’ve brought gloves,’ he muttered.  
  
‘Or a scarf,’ Dean added. ‘Or a coat, really.’  
  
Seamus laughed,  
but something inside him was restless, frustrated, angry.  
  
‘What do you wish?’ he asked.  
  
‘Oh, it’s nothing big,’ Dean said awkwardly. ‘Just wish I had a friend to look out for me when everything went to shit with Liam.’  
  
Seamus’ teeth ground together.  
  
Nevermind that he’d gotten a name—a stupid feckin’ name because it sounded like something you’d name yer dog—but the fact that Dean… that Dean had needed a friend and he hadn’t… he hadn’t _known_.  
  
‘But that’s my own fault, of course,’ Dean laughed awkwardly.   
  
Yes.   
No.   
No, feck, it wasn’t. It must be Seamus’ fault, right? Dean hadn’t told him he was gay to begin with, so why would he even tell Seamus about his boyfriend?   
Somehow… Somehow Dean didn’t trust Seamus enough. Didn’t think Seamus would be there for him.   
  
Seamus’ hands clenched into fists.   
  
Whatever he’d done wrong,  
he would try his damndest to fix it.  
  
‘It’s dark, isn’t it?’ Dean said, trying to break the tension.  
  
‘Yeah,’ Seamus said. He had to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but then the ground beneath their feet changed into small pebbles and they were nearly at the graves.   
It was a small clearing between the lake and the forest, silent and secluded enough that the noise from students wouldn’t be heard.  
  
The graves were put into circles,  
like multiple fairy rings  
made of magic and love and earth.

Made of pain  
and sorrow  
and stone.  
  
‘It’s…’ Seamus trailed off.  
  
Dean put his hand on Seamus’ shoulder,   
and Seamus grasped the comforting gesture with both hands, both arms, as he turned towards Dean and hugged him close.  
  
All the emotions of the war, the panic of losing Dean forever, the horror of seeing his friends die in front of his eyes.   
  
Hands fisted in Dean’s sweater,   
Seamus cried silently.   
  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time; ‘If it’s real,' Neville said.
> 
> Uh-oh. Does Neville suspect?? Find out next time! :D
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you have fun! (also i put in a little nod to my first deamus fic ha, kudos if you caught it). Let me know what you thought of this fic if you want! <3


	3. Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> As promised, a quicker update :) 
> 
> It's sort of a rollercoaster, so buckle up and enjoy! 
> 
> (TW: panic attack)

The next morning, they had classes off so people could visit Hogsmeade, wander around Hogwarts, or, in Dean’s case, fly around the Quidditch pitch.  
  
Seamus had asked Neville if he wanted to do something together, but since practically their whole group was going to the pitch, Neville had said it was probably more fun to go too.  
  
‘Even though it’s way too cold to sit on the stands,’ Neville said when they stepped outside.  
  
‘We can still go back,’ Seamus suggested.  
  
‘No, this is fine,’ Neville said, grimacing.   
  
So together they trudged through the snow towards the pitch, where the rest were already warming up. Hermione and Luna waved at them when they arrived, and Neville and Seamus climbed up the stairs to join them.  
  
‘It’s like no time has passed,’ Luna said, eyes on the field.  
  
‘I didn’t expect to feel so _nostalgic_ all the time,’ Hermione said, ‘but I honestly feel like crying at least once a day.’  
  
‘Me too,’ Neville said. ‘Except of happiness since Seamus has given me the most amazing Christmas present ever.’  
  
Seamus burrowed himself in his scarf, trying to hide from Neville’s knowing eyes.  
  
‘You don’t need to hide, Seamus,’ Luna said. ‘It’s very obvious how much you love Dean.’  
  
‘ _So_ ,’ Seamus said quickly, feeling his cheeks turn red. ‘When are you gonna ask Luna to marry you, mate?’  
  
‘Oh,’ Luna said in surprise, and fecking _finally_ it was Neville’s turn to turn bright red. He gave Seamus an impressive glare that Seamus answered with a bright smile.   
  
He had no idea if Neville was constantly talking about him and Dean because he didn’t fully believe them, or if Neville really _was_ that happy.  
  
Both options made Seamus feel like shit.  
  
Pulling his hat lower over his face, Seamus searched the fliers for Dean. He wasn’t hard to find.   
Though it sounded corny as fuck, Seamus was sure he could find Dean in a crowd. Could find him anywhere. Would try his best to always find him.  
  
Dean soared past Ginny with a smile on his face and it made Seamus’ heart jump in his chest. Ginny yelled something back, but they were too far away to hear. It only made Dean laugh harder as he zipped above and under her. Teasing her.  
  
_Why hadn’t Dean told him?  
_  
Seamus breathed out, his breath clouding in front of him.   
  
He shouldn’t push.   
He should just enjoy being at Hogwarts with his friends.   
He should just enjoy being Dean’s boyfriend, even if it was only pretend.  
  
With an impressive lurch, Ginny managed to grab the quaffle and throw it through the middle hoop.   
She threw her fist in the air and whooped, quickly joined by a few others.  
  
‘They’re in the lead,’ Hermione said, clapping.  
  
Neville and Luna jumped up and down on the stand in excitement while Seamus put his hands around his mouth and cheered loudly.  
  
Ginny gave them a wave, but Dean decided to fly over.   
  
His cheeks were slightly flushed from the cold,  
but _feck_ , did he look good on a broom.  
  
‘Hi,’ Dean said, a little breathlessly.  
  
‘Where’s your goal?’ Seamus called back.  
  
He gave Dean a cheeky grin,  
and was surprised to find Dean blinking dazedly at him for a few seconds, before pretending to be offended.  
  
‘Excuse me, I clearly helped Ginny out there.’  
  
‘Dunno, mate. Didn’t look like that from here.’  
  
‘No, it didn’t!’ Neville called.  
  
Dean shook his head, giving up pretense. ‘You have no idea how hard it is to get the quaffle with Ginny on the field. She’s _good_.’  
  
A little pang of irritation shot through Seamus.  
It was the same old jealousy; knowing he didn’t share Quidditch with Dean, not in the way Ginny did.  
  
‘Tell you what,’ he called, before he’d truly thought it through. ‘If you score, you’ll get a kiss.’  
  
Beside him, Luna, Hermione and Neville _whoop_ ed. ‘Tongue if you score twice!’ Neville exclaimed, making both Seamus and Dean blush.  
  
Dean coughed. He looked shyly away. ‘Guess I better step up my game.’  
  
Cheering from their friends.  
Except they fell away as soon as Dean glanced back at Seamus  
and their eyes met.  
  
The breath was punched out of Seamus’ lungs,  
and he couldn’t do anything more than watch as Dean flew back to the rest.   
  
What followed then, was probably the most exciting and nerve-wrecking Quidditch match Seamus had ever seen.  
There was a lot at stake.  
_A lot_.  
  
And Dean, Dean seemed to know this, because Seamus had never seen him try so hard to claim the quaffle for himself.   
Dean normally played a very assisting role, trying to get the quaffle to people who were better or who had a higher success rate than him.   
  
Now— _finally_ , Seamus thought—Dean was focused on himself.  
  
The quaffle zoomed through the air for perhaps the tenth time, straight at Ginny, who was already reaching for it, her arm outstretched,  
when Dean flew into her and pushed her aside.   
  
And Dean finally had the bleedin’ quaffle.  
  
Seamus found himself moving to his feet and cheering loudly with the rest of his friends as Dean flew towards the goal posts.  
  
When he aimed for the left hoop, Seamus held his breath.  
The quaffle flew lower than it should, right? That couldn’t go in, could it?  
But before Seamus could get disappointed, the quaffle flew neatly through the ring and scored another point for Dean’s team.  
  
Seamus jumped up and down with Neville and Luna, screaming at the top of his lungs.  
  
He saw Ginny highfive Dean,  
and his heart was pounding in his chest as he suddenly realised he was going to kiss Dean again, that Dean was going to come over and snog Seamus’ brains out.  
  
Except Dean stayed right where he was, eyes focused on the game.  
  
‘Oh my god,’ Neville said. ‘He’s going for the full snog.’  
  
Seamus’ cheeks burned,  
and they stayed bright red as he watched Dean gain control of the quaffle once again,  
as he watched him throw it right this time,  
as he watched the ball zoom through the hoop.   
  
Dean slowly turned around on his broom and gave Seamus a brilliant grin that nearly stopped Seamus’ heart,  
before flying over.  
  
Seamus ran towards the edge of the stands and leaned over the railing as far as he could at the same time that Dean reached him.  
  
Dean’s hand curled in Seamus’ hair and pulled him closer.  
They didn’t waste any breath before their lips met, and they were kissing.   
  
Dean’s lips tasted like snow and cold and caramel candy  
and Seamus wanted more more more.  
  
With a groan, Dean deepened their kiss, mouth opening and tongue shyly slipping inside Seamus’ mouth but  
_Feck the shyness_ , Seamus thought, and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, french-kissing the hell out of him.  
  
Until Dean nearly slipped off his broom.  
  
‘Watch out!’ Hermione shrieked, and before Seamus was fully aware of what had happened, they were both floating through the air, courtesy of Hermione’s spell.  
  
‘Woah,’ Seamus said. ‘That’s the first time a kiss has made me fly.’  
  
Dean grinned. ‘What can I say, I’m a keep—’  
  
‘ _Mate_ ,’ Seamus groaned, but he was laughing loudly as Luna and Neville pulled on his legs to get him down again.  
  
x  
  
Needless to say, Seamus watched the rest of the Quidditch match with a dazed grin on his face.   
  
He could still feel Dean’s lips on his,  
and when he sat down in the Great Hall for dinner, it seemed like a waste to ruin the taste of Dean’s kiss with something like _food_.   
  
Knife and fork in hand, Seamus looked up  
and found Dean looking at him with a soft smile.  
  
When their eyes met, Dean blushed then laughed awkwardly before digging into his food.  
  
Seamus felt the corners of his mouth turn  
and his heart bounce around in his chest.  
  
The kiss really had been bleedin’ brilliant.  
  
x  
  
There was only one thing Seamus needed to do,  
and he decided when the rest moved to their feet to get back to the common room  
that _now_ was the best moment, really.

‘Neville,’ he called out, reaching over and tugging on his friend’s sleeve. ‘Can I talk to you?’  
  
Neville nodded and sat down again. ‘Tell me.’  
  
Seamus took another sip of his pumpkin juice, then turned to Neville with a sigh. ‘Mate, I can’t tell if you’re really serious or not about being so happy for Dean and me.’  
  
‘Oh, that,’ Neville said. ‘I am _very_ happy for you.’  
  
‘So why—’   
  
‘ _If_ it’s real.’  
  
Seamus’ mouth snapped shut.   
  
Thoughts flew through his mind with the speed of a snitch.  
So he’d been right after all. Neville did suspect something was up.  
  
Well, what had Seamus expected? Neville always knew when something was up.   
  
Except he couldn’t let Dean down, could he?   
  
Seamus had promised he’d help him through this awkward and painful period,  
and he _couldn’t_ fail him now.   
Not when Dean had finally trusted him enough to tell him about… Liam.  
  
Neville gave Seamus a sad smile. ‘I’m right, aren’t I? It’s not real.’  
  
Seamus winced. ‘Nah mate, you’re wrong.’  
  
‘Seamus…’  
  
‘You’re wrong,’ Seamus repeated. ‘I’m stunned that you even think it’s fake. What more can I do to convince you that it’s real?’  
  
‘Don’t get me wrong, I believe that the love is real. But I know you, Seamus, and I know what you would do for Dean.’  
  
‘That doesn’t mean—’  
  
‘ _Everything_ ,’ Neville said.  
  
Seamus didn’t reply.   
Why would he? It was the heartbreaking truth.  
  
_‘Feck you_ ,’ Seamus said, standing up. ‘Feck you for using that against me, and feck you for thinking Dean wouldn’t love me just because. Is it so hard for you to believe he’d want to be with me?’  
  
Neville looked like he’d been slapped.  
  
‘Seamus, I didn’t—’ he tried, but Seamus walked away, hurting for hurting his friend,  
and hurting because as soon as he’d said the words  
he’d meant them.  
  
What if Neville really thought that Dean would never love Seamus?  
And what if that was true?  
  
But the kiss… That had been something, hadn’t it?   
Seamus couldn’t have been the only one who felt it, right?  
  
Right?  
  
‘Seamus, wait!’ Neville called out, running after him. ‘Seamus, I need to tell you something!’  
  
‘Like what?’ Seamus stopped but he didn’t turn around.  
  
‘I-I fucked up.’ Neville sucked in a breath. ‘Oh shit, Seamus, I fucked up bad. I didn’t—I didn’t believe it was real, between you two—’  
  
‘I _feckin’_ know already!’ Seamus snapped.  
  
‘No, it’s not that— It’s— Shit, Seamus, I told your family.’  
  
Seamus blood froze,   
and all the colour drained from his face.   
  
He slowly turned around. ‘You did what?’  
  
Neville looked desperate. ‘I’m so, so, so sorry, Seamus.’  
  
It was very hard not to fall apart,  
right then,  
right there,  
but somehow Seamus managed to keep it all inside—the panic, the anger, the _fear_ .   
  
The only sign that he was affected were his shaking hands.  
  
‘I hoped that by telling them you’d get an owl from your parents and you’d be like, “Oh sorry mates, guess the show’s over.”’  
  
‘But—’ Seamus could hardly believe what he was hearing. ‘But you know my parents are Catholic.’  
  
‘I was just scared Dean was hurting you in the bloody worst way possible!’ Neville exclaimed. ‘I wanted to make sure he wasn’t _using_ you.’  
  
_Christ_ .  
  
‘You think I have so little self respect?’ Seamus asked between clenched teeth.   
  
But he did.   
Oh, he did, he did, he did.   
  
Why hadn’t he gotten angry at Dean over keeping all these secrets from him? Why hadn’t he told Dean how much it hurt not to know?  
  
Seamus swallowed away all the emotions rising in his chest  
and walked to the common room without another word.   
  
He tried to go straight for the dormitories,  
but Dean saw.  
  
Saw something was wrong  
and was on his feet in a second,  
following Seamus up to the dormitories,  
asking, ‘Seamus? Seamus, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’  
  
And when Seamus slid down the wall next to his bed,  
head between his shaking hands,  
curled up as much as he could,  
Dean took his shaking hands  
and tried to steady him.  
  
‘Seamus,’ he said quietly.  
  
Seamus tried to take calm breaths,  
but he was gasping for air, the panic finally taking hold.  
  
‘Dean,’ he gasped. ‘Make me… stop—’  
  
Dean took Seamus’ head between his hands  
and rested their foreheads together.  
  
‘Focus on my breathing, okay? Breathe with me.’  
  
Seamus’ hands shot up and grabbed Dean’s wrists,  
holding on tightly,  
hoping it would keep him from falling apart.  
  
‘Breathe with me, Seamus,’ Dean said quietly, staring into his eyes.  
  
It seemed impossible.   
  
And maybe Dean noticed that,  
and maybe Dean knew how to handle panic attacks,  
but in any case, Dean leaned in and kissed Seamus.   
  
Just a quick, soft kiss.  
  
Seamus’ breath stuttered  
and  
finally  
calmed  
down.  
  
‘Good. You’re doing good, Seamus. Breathe with me,’ Dean guided him, hands holding onto Seamus until Seamus didn’t feel like he was floating anymore.  
  
‘You with me?’ Dean asked quietly.  
  
Seamus nodded.  
  
‘Sorry for the kiss,’ Dean said. ‘I hoped I could shock you out of it.’  
  
Seamus managed a weak smile. ‘It’s okay. It worked.’  
  
They stayed close for a minute or two,  
before Seamus leaned back.  
  
‘Neville told my parents,’ he said quietly. ‘About us.’  
  
Dean’s sharp intake of breath told Seamus enough.    
  
‘It doesn’t have to be bad,’ Dean said carefully.  
  
‘Yeah, but it’s going to be.’  
  
‘I’m so sorry,’ Dean said after a while. ‘But I’m here for you, yeah?’  
  
Seamus looked at Dean again,  
looked at his best friend with his warm eyes and brilliant smile,  
and couldn’t help but smile back.  
  
‘Gonna hold you to that,’ he said.  
  
x  
  
The next morning, Seamus received an owl from his mother.   
  
Without explaining, he left breakfast and fled to the common room.  
  
x  
  
_Seamus,  
  
_ _I can’t believe you didn’t tell us about you and Dean. I thought we had made our thoughts on the matter clear._ _  
_ _  
_ _We need to have a good talk when you visit for the holidays, and don’t think you can blow us off! We’re your parents.  
_ _  
_ _See you and Dean soon,  
  
_ _Mum.  
  
_ x  
  
Seamus’ hands were shaking as he stared at the words on the parchment.   
  
Yeah, he remembered the questions, the looks, the sharp tone when his mother had said, ‘You and Dean are awfully close.’   
The way she’d stare at him, eyeing his reaction, trying to see if there was something more…  
  
Seamus’ heart hurt,   
and his breathing almost quickened again  
but then he shoved the letter against Dean’s chest; pushing the panic away too.  
  
‘She wants me to visit too?’ Dean asked in surprise.  
  
‘Looks like it.’  
  
‘Guess I’ll ring mum, tell her I’m a day or two later.’  
  
Seamus looked at Dean in surprise. ‘What?’  
  
‘What?’ Dean asked. ‘You don’t want me to?’  
  
‘No, I do, but.’ Seamus looked at his best friend, at the crumpled letter in Dean’s hands. ‘Sure you want to come home with me?’  
  
‘Of course,’ Dean said, shocked. ‘I brought you into this mess and I’ll see you through it.’   
  
It made sense, but. ‘Mate, you didn’t sign up for _this_ shite.’  
  
Something in Dean’s posture changed.  
It was subtle at first, changing his hands from relaxed into twitchy, changing his shoulders from loose to tense, but then it wasn’t subtle  
at all  
when it reached Dean’s eyes.   
  
Dean looked _hurt_ .  
  
‘Seamus,’ he said quietly, taking a step forward. ‘Seamus, do you really think I wouldn’t be there for you?’  
  
‘No, ‘course not,’ Seamus mumbled.  
  
It was hard to meet Dean’s eyes suddenly.   
  
Seamus was afraid all the sad thoughts would spill out,  
and Dean would see what he was really feeling.  
  
But Seamus’ view of the red carpet was blocked when Dean closed the distance between them  
and carefully hugged him.  
  
Dean burrowed his face in the crook between Seamus’ neck and shoulder. ‘I’ll _always_ be here for you,’ he whispered.  
  
Seamus’ throat felt dry,  
and his heart was pounding too quickly.  
  
He lifted his hands to grab onto Dean’s sweater  
but he hesitated.  
  
‘You weren’t there,’ he said quietly.  
  
Flashes of an empty dormitory,  
an old muggle radio,  
the cuts on his own hands.  
  
Dean stiffened.  
  
It was like this that the rest found them.  
  
‘Hope we’re not interrupting something,’ Ron joked, falling on the sofa with a groan. ‘I’m _stuffed_ .’  
  
Dean reluctantly moved away.  
  
‘That’s ‘cause you ate the last piece of toast,’ Ginny said.  
  
‘I needed it.’  
  
‘I think I move a lot more than you do.’  
  
‘That’s true,’ Hermione said.  
  
The rest laughed as Ron spluttered indignantly. Even Seamus found himself grinning, and it was all the distraction Neville needed before he popped up next to him.  
  
‘Seamus, can we talk?’  
  
The grin slipped from Seamus’ face. ‘Think you said enough, mate.’  
  
He walked towards one of the armchairs and let himself fall in it,  
let himself fall into the conversation  
without looking back at Neville or Dean.  
  
x  
  
Seamus had wanted to hug an owl only once in his life.  
  
Until the day of the ball,   
when Dean received a letter from his mum.  
  
They were lounging in the common room, sipping firewhiskey and talking about everything and nothing, about life and death, about before and after Voldemort.   
  
It was snowing outside,  
and so it took a while to hear the tapping on the window. When the owl screeched indignantly, everybody scrambled to their feet, but Dean quickly recognised the animal as his mother’s.  
  
As Dean read the letter, Seamus watched his expression for any clues.   
  
Dean’s frown changed into an expression of utter shock   
and then, slowly, he started smiling.  
  
When he looked up again, his eyes found Seamus immediately.  
  
‘Looks like we’re invited to spend New Years’ with my mum.’  
  
x  
  
_Dear Dean,  
  
_ _There I was sitting the other day, just minding my own business, baking and cooking and slaving away in the kitchen because your sisters are too busy with finding the perfect Christmas dress to help dear ol’ me, when the phone rang._ _  
_ _And boy. Boy, do you know who was on the other end? It was Seamus’ mum, telling me you two are in a relationship. And that you’re spending the Holidays with her!! Why, I didn’t know what I was hearing, because I sure didn’t know anything about this._ _  
_ _Imagine my surprise. Imagine my shame at not knowing who my son is snogging in his free time (don’t cringe, I can say snogging, I’m not that old)._ _  
_ _  
_ _So. Since you’ve been snagged from me by your_ _boyfriend_ _, I sure do hope you’ll both stay with me for New Years’._ _  
_ _  
_ _Love, mum xxx  
  
_ x  
  
Staring into the mirror of the dormitory’s bathroom,   
Seamus felt strangely nervous.   
  
He eyed his unruly hair  
that, to his greatest dismay, wasn’t red; not like Ginny’s, not like the girl who’d snagged Dean’s first kiss.   
  
He brushed a hand through the strands,  
but it didn’t help his nerves.   
Or his hair.  
  
Seamus remembered the Yule Ball.   
Remembered the splendor of the Great Hall, the frosted, silver decorations, the punch that Fred and George had managed to spike, the way Dean had looked in his dress robes.   
  
But above all,  
he remembered when everyone was drunk or tipsy  
and tired from all the jumping and screaming and spinning  
and the music had wound down to something slow  
and Dean’s hand had still been holding his.  
  
There had been hesitation  
and longing  
in Dean’s eyes   
(or Seamus told himself there had been)  
and they’d already started swaying to the song,  
shyly,  
slowly,  
when Neville and Ginny had waltzed towards them and grabbed their hands and made them all spin around in a circles.   
  
But Seamus could still remember the way his breath had hitched,  
when he realised he could finally dance with Dean  
after an entire evening of waiting  
and _longing_ .  
Longing so badly  
it washed away the sour taste of the spiked punch.  
  
Seamus gave himself a nervous smile.  
  
No more waiting.  
  
x  
  
The Great Hall wasn’t elaborately decorated like last time,  
but there were giant Christmas trees  
and everything glittered.  
  
It didn’t look like the Yule Ball but that was fine. It looked like the end scene of a Christmas movie,  
and as Seamus walked inside, nervously pulling on the sleeve of his dress robes,  
for just a second he felt like the main character.  
  
‘Going without me?’ a voice asked behind him.  
  
Seamus quickly turned around, only to feel his breath hitch like he was fourteen years old again.   
Dean was behind him, a sweet smile on his face, and his clothes—  
Dean’s dress robes weren’t dress robes at all, but a dark blue muggle suit that shimmered slightly.   
  
He looked absolutely gorgeous.  
  
‘Don’t take this as an insult,’ Dean said, when Seamus only gaped at him, ‘but those robes look way better on you than the ones you wore to the Yule Ball.’  
  
Seamus laughed. ‘Thanks, mate.’

Dean smiled at him. ‘Always.’  
  
A song started up in the background,  
and Seamus’ heart stuttered as he looked over his shoulder and saw people flocking to the dance floor.  
  
‘Shall we?’ he asked. He sounded a little out of breath.  
  
_Please don’t turn me down.  
  
_ ‘Hell yeah,’ Dean replied easily, but Seamus saw him wipe his hands on his trousers. They got clammy when Dean was nervous. ‘I’m ready to see your dancing up close.’  
  
Seamus grinned. ‘Now don’t expect too much.’  
  
The moment Dean reached out and grabbed Seamus’ hands  
all the glittering decorations faded to the background.   
Seamus was only focused on Dean,  
and the fact that Dean’s hand was clammy.  
  
Smiling nervously, Dean led him to the dancefloor.

From the corner of his eye, Seamus saw Neville and Luna dancing slowly, their arms wrapped tightly around each other.  
Something inside Seamus healed at the sight, at the knowledge that Neville was finally together with Luna; with someone who loved and appreciated him.  
  
Because Seamus remembered Neville’s fear at never being able to confess,  
at losing his chance because they’d all be dead before the words could ever leave his mouth.   
  
‘Are you still mad at him?’ Dean asked, noticing him looking. ‘I mean, you have every right to be.’  
  
Seamus shook his head. ‘Nah. Not anymore.’  
  
Because they’d all survived Voldemort together,  
because they’d had each other’s back time and again,  
and because Seamus knew that Neville truly loved him, even though he’d made a very shite mistake.  
  
A couple bumped into Seamus. The girl looked over her shoulder and quickly apologised, but it wasn’t their fault.   
They were standing on the dance floor,  
not moving.   
  
Dean seemed to realise this too because he let out another nervous laugh. ‘This is the part where I need to tell you that I also can’t dance.’   
  
Seamus squeezed Dean’s hand,  
then carefully put it on his waist before giving Dean what he hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘Let’s be bad at it together.’  
  
Dean looked at him with such a soft expression, Seamus felt his heart pound against his ribcage.  
  
Then,   
Dean took the first step.  
  
By the time they managed to find a rhythm, the song was nearly finished.     
Honestly, it took everything Seamus had not to burst out laughing at the concentrated look on Dean’s face,  
or at the clammy hand tightly gripping his.  
  
It was just ridiculously cute.  
  
And it was everything Seamus had dreamed of and more.  
  
He sighed.  
  
Dean looked up in shock. ‘It’s that bad?’  
  
The expression on Dean’s face was so heartbroken  
that the laugh Seamus had been holding in burst free.  
  
‘No, no,’ he laughed. ‘You’re fine.’  
  
‘Are you sure? ‘Cause I feel like we’re the slowest moving couple on the dance floor.’  
  
‘So?’ Seamus squeezed Dean’s hand again. ‘Nothin’ wrong with going at our own pace.’  
  
Dean looked shyly around. ‘Yeah, but everybody is—’  
  
‘You wanna go faster?’  
  
‘Uh...’ Dean looked at Seamus. ‘I get the feeling I’m going to regret saying yes, but… Yes.’  
  
‘Grand,’ Seamus grinned. ‘Time to let me lead, mate.’  
  
And with that, he slipped his hand around Dean’s waist  
and started guiding him across the dancefloor,  
spinning around like mad.   
  
A few couples darted out of the way as Seamus spun past them,  
and Dean was sort of laughing, sort of yelling at Seamus to stop,  
but Seamus was having too much fun to let it be over that fast.  
  
After two rounds across the entire dance floor, Dean exclaimed, ‘Stop, stop, stop, I’m getting dizzy!’  
  
So Seamus slowed down, breathing a little heavily. Dean was also panting, but he was smiling brightly.  
  
‘I should’ve let you lead sooner.’  
  
‘You should’ve,’ Seamus agreed.  
  
Dean laughed. ‘I can’t believe I missed out on all this those years ago.’  
  
Seamus froze.   
Years ago?  
What did Dean mean with that?  
  
‘What?’ he asked, heart beating in his throat.  
  
‘You know, at the Yule Ball? When Neville and Ginny broke up our dance to drag us around the dancefloor?’  
  
Seamus stared  
and stared  
and stared  
at Dean  
until Dean started fidgeting awkwardly.  
  
‘Is that weird to remember?’  
  
No.  
No, absolutely not.  
No, it was the feckin’ best thing to remember.   
  
Seamus didn’t even make up an excuse before he grasped Dean’s head and pulled him down for a searing kiss.  
  
Dean made a small noise of surprise,  
but then he kissed back.  
  
Just like that.  
  
Just like that Dean kissed Seamus back.  
  
It was only when Dean slipped his tongue inside Seamus’ mouth that Seamus realised they were standing  
sort of  
in the middle of the dance floor.  
  
With teachers present.  
  
He pulled back reluctantly.   
But only because he knew he’d be humping Dean if they continued like this, and nobody needed to see that.  
  
Dean looked curiously at him. ‘What was that for?’  
  
_Because you’re bloody amazing to kiss._   
_Because you remembered too.  
_ _Because I love you.  
_ _  
_ ‘Gotta make them believe, right?’ Seamus said.  
  
The words sounded a little forced.  
  
‘Oh.’ Dean’s smile wavered. ‘Good call. Smart.’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
‘So… Want some punch?’  
  
Seamus eyed the dance floor.   
  
This was more than he’d ever thought he’d get,  
and yet it was hard to say goodbye to it so soon.   
He didn’t want to leave behind the wonderful feeling of being with Dean.  
  
‘We can dance some more after,’ Dean said, his smile back in full.  
  
Seamus’ heart leaped in his chest.   
  
‘Well, in that case.’ He smiled. ‘Let’s get pissed.’  
  
x  
  
They all got roaringly drunk,  
and after twenty more dances,  
Neville and Dean had to drag Seamus back to the dormitory.   
  
Seamus vaguely remembered telling them both he loved them.   
  
He also vaguely remembered them telling him  
they loved him too.  
  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time; Seamus flinched. ‘Hi mum.’
> 
> Finally some more fluff!! And we're done with the reunion part :)  
> Next up... the parentsss.  
> And even more drama.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought if you want :)


	4. Part 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> Hope you're doing well :) And that your weekend is filled with something sweet, something warm, and something soft! 
> 
> Heads up for smut this chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!

part 3  
_the family_

  
‘I don’t want to knock.’  
  
‘Should I knock?’  
  
‘You know what, let’s just go somewhere else. I’m sure London is grand for the holidays.’  
  
‘Seamus…’  
  
‘Or maybe Dublin. Have you ever been to Dublin?’  
  
But Seamus didn’t hear Dean’s reply,  
because the door was suddenly wrenched open by a woman with curly, sandy blonde hair.  
  
His mum.  
  
‘Seamus Finnigan, what are y’doing standing in front of my door?’  
  
Seamus flinched. ‘Hi mum.’  
  
His mother stared at him, blue eyes piercing as she observed her son. Then her gaze slid to Dean.  
The biggest smile spread on her face.  
  
‘Dean, it’s been so long!’  She practically ambushed Dean then, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. ‘Shite, you’ve grown. I remember when you were just a boy. And look at you now!’  
  
She pulled back and gave Dean a once-over.  
  
Seamus couldn’t believe his mother was being so friendly.  
Was it a show?  
Was she going to get bleedin’ mad any minute now, accusing them of going behind her back, accusing them of being fa-  
  
‘It’s about bloody time, innit?’ his mum interrupted his thoughts, giving them both a look. ‘You boys have been dallying around each other for the longest time, I swear. Glad to see one of you finally got the balls to confess.’  
  
Seamus’ mouth fell open.  
It really did.  
  
Beside him, Dean laughed nervously.  
  
‘Well, get inside you two!’ his mum exclaimed, grabbing their arms and quite literally pulling them inside.  
  
Seamus barely had the time to notice Christmas had taken over most of the house before his father grunted from his armchair, ‘Hello boys.’  
  
‘Hello, Mister Finnigan,’ Dean said quickly.  
  
‘So?’ his mum asked, moving in front of them, arms in her side. ‘Who did?’  
  
Seamus blinked.  
  
‘Um,’ Dean said. ‘Who did… what?’  
  
His mother gestured at them. ‘Who asked who? Who had the guts to take the first step?’  
  
_Shite.  
_ Their backstory. They didn’t have one.  
  
Seamus cleared his throat. ‘Well, I dunno if I would call it a step… If it was really, y’know, that big of a leap. I think it might’ve been, y’know…’  
  
His mum raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah?’  
  
‘Just… It might’ve been more of a mutual decision. Obviously, but like, y’know how it goes with—’  
  
‘I did, Mrs. Finnigan,’ Dean said.  
  
Seamus stared at him.  
  
Dean was looking his mother right in the eye when he grabbed Seamus’ hand and said, ‘I asked Seamus if he wanted to go on a date with me, and he said yes.’  
  
‘‘Course he did,’ his mum said. ‘Idiot has been in love with you for years now.’  
  
Within approximately two seconds,  
Seamus face and neck were bright red.  
  
‘ _Mum_!’ he exclaimed.  
  
‘I—uh…’ Dean searched for words. Seamus looked at him from the corner of his eyes and saw Dean was blushing. ‘That’s—He didn’t tell me that.’  
  
His mum laughed. ‘No, that’s why it’s taken so long I reckon.’  
  
‘ _Okay_ ,’ Seamus said quickly, ‘we’re leaving. Now.’  
  
He pulled Dean with him  
and quickly disappeared up the stairs.  
  
‘Holyshite,’ Seamus muttered under his breath. ‘Holyshite.’  
  
‘It’s okay,’ Dean said. ‘Parents can be—’  
  
Seamus threw open his bedroom door, pulled Dean inside, and then slammed it close behind him.  
Groaning, he covered his face with his hands and slid down the door to the ground.  
  
‘Oh my feckin’ god.’  
  
Dean laughed quietly. ‘Seamus, it’s fine.’  
  
‘No,’ Seamus groaned. His face still felt like it was on fire.  
  
How could his mum just blurt that out? What would Dean be thinking right now? Was he regretting the deal again? Would this make things awkward between them?  
  
‘You—You know she’s lyin’, right?’ Seamus asked quietly.  
  
‘I figured.’  
  
Seamus could hear Dean was smiling.  
  
He slowly lowered his hands. ‘Yeah?’  
  
Dean had moved to sit on Seamus’ bed. He had crossed his legs and was looking up at the posters on Seamus’ wall, but at Seamus’ question he looked down again. ‘Yeah, if you’d really been in love with me, you would’ve said. You can’t keep a secret for the life of you.’  
  
It felt like the air had been punched from Seamus’ lungs.  
He repressed the urge to gasp.  
  
_What the fuck.  
  
_ That was the stupidest logic Seamus had ever heard,  
and he nearly spilled the beans right then, right there,  
nearly exclaimed, “ _Are you daft! I’m too feckin’ nervous to tell, idiot.’  
  
_ Instead,  
he said, ‘Hey! I can keep a secret.’  
  
‘When have you kept a secret?’  
  
Uh.  
  
‘Well you never know what you’re gonna get for Christmas!’  
  
Dean laughed. ‘Okay, fair.’  
  
_See?_  
_You’re the feckin’ exception to the rule.  
  
_ But as per usual the words didn’t leave Seamus’ mouth.  
  
He moved to his feet and walked over to join Dean on the bed. ‘So…’ he said.  
  
‘So,’ Dean repeated, smiling at him.  
  
‘So here we are.’  
  
‘Here we are.’  
  
‘Looks like mum isn’t mad.’  
  
‘Mhm.’  
  
‘Looks like she’s actually happy.’  
  
‘Yeah.’ Dean bumped their shoulders together. ‘Are you?’  
  
Seamus bumped back as he thought about the question. The answer wasn’t difficult though. ‘Yeah,’ he said, smiling. ‘I am.’  
  
Then he yawned,  
because he’d slept like shit for the past two nights. The only reason he’d fallen asleep last night was because he’d been too drunk to stay awake.  
  
Still, Seamus felt dead tired.  
  
‘Maybe we should take a nap,’ Dean suggested.  
  
‘Ha,’ Seamus said, already moving back on the bed. ‘Neville thought we had sex.’  
  
Dean paused mid-climb on the bed, and stared at Seamus with wide eyes.  
Until he got it.  
  
‘ _Ohh_. Oh, you meant when we were—’ He laughed. ‘Yeah.’  
  
Seamus rolled to the side.  
His nose was nearly pressed against the wall, but he hoped that if he made enough space, Dean would sleep next to him.  
  
The bed dipped behind him,  
and then Dean said, ‘You don’t have to be so far away.’  
  
Seamus turned around.  
  
Dean’s face was close.  
He could kiss him if he wanted to.  
  
He definitely wanted to.  
  
‘You sure?’ he asked quietly.  
  
‘Yeah,’ Dean said, staring at him with a strange, dazed expression on his face. ‘Yeah. Besides, if your mum comes to check, it’ll look more real?’  
  
Seamus hummed,  
trying to disguise how wildly his heart was slamming against his chest.  
  
‘Can’t argue with that logic.’  
  
Dean lifted his arm. ‘You can lie, um, here.’  
  
Not wanting to scare away the hesitant invitation with words,  
Seamus held his breath  
and scooted over.  
  
He carefully put his head on Dean’s chest.  
  
His own heart was pounding so quickly he could barely hear Dean’s heartbeat.  
But when he did,  
he was surprised to find it beating as wildly as his.  
  
‘Your heart is going very fast,’ he whispered.  
  
Dean was silent for a while. ‘Maybe it recognizes you,’ he said quietly.  
  
The thought was so perfect  
that Seamus closed his eyes  
and repeated it over and over and over in his mind  
until he fell asleep.  
  
x  
  
So warm.  
  
When Seamus woke up slowly, he felt content and very… warm. Bordering on too hot, really. He remembered falling asleep on Dean, hearing his heart beat so wildly and then—  
  
Dean’s hand was on Seamus’ ass.  
  
Seamus didn’t breathe  
for like four seconds.  
  
Then he released a shaky breath.  
  
He could feel every nerve ending on his body,  
could feel every inch  
where they touched.  
  
Including Dean’s hand  
on his arse.  
  
It was hard not to get… hard.  
Aroused.  
Excited.  
  
Seamus tried to focus on his dreams  
but they always heavily featured Dean  
and then Dean let out a small groan and burrowed his face in Seamus’ hair.  
  
‘ _Nngh_ ,’ Seamus said, rapidly losing his mind.  
  
It didn’t help that his cock was trapped against Dean’s hip,  
and that now, when it was—  
y’know.  
  
Seamus blushed.  
  
This was a shite situation overall.  
  
Maybe he should juuust shuffle away,  
maybe Dean’s hand would fall off if he moved back—  
  
It absolutely didn’t.

 _Feck_.  
  
As soon as Seamus moved,  
Dean’s hand twitched, squeezing Seamus’ arse and oh. Shite. Seamus moved his hips forward, feeling all of his blood rush to his cock.  
  
Being fondled by Dean was bloody brilliant.  
  
Seamus let out a shaky breath.  
  
He couldn’t hump his best friend.  
His _sleeping_ best friend.  
His sleeping good looking sexy best friend.  
  
No.  
No matter how aroused he was,  
he couldn’t.  
  
Dean stirred, pulling Seamus closer. ‘Seamus,’ he mumbled.  
  
_Feeeeeeck_.  
  
Seamus’ hips twitched  
and Seamus bit his lip _hard_ to keep himself from moving or groaning or just. Messing this up.  
  
What if Dean woke up  
and felt Seamus’ boner against his hip?  
  
The thought was so embarrassing that Seamus flew upright, startling Dean awake, who flailed and nearly fell of the bed.  
  
‘Wha—What?’ Dean gasped, staring at Seamus.  
  
Who was still… y’know.  
… Aroused.  
  
Embarrassed, Seamus leapt of the bed and ran for the door. ‘Toilet!’ he exclaimed.  
  
x  
  
Aside from the morning incident,  
life at Seamus’ parents was fairly easy.  
Surprisingly.  
  
Seamus' mom largely left them to their own devices, something Seamus took advantage of by showing Dean around his hometown.  
  
In all those years, they'd never had time to do this, to get to know each other's lives so thoroughly.  
  
'I love this,' Dean said one afternoon, when they’d sat down near the edge of a cliff, as close to the edge as they could get, and watched the sunset. 'I can just picture you sitting here, all annoyed at the world.'  
  
'You know the funny thing is, as mad as my parents sometimes make me, when I sat here and saw...' Seamus gestured at the cliff, the sea, the sunset. 'All of this. I didn't feel so annoyed anymore.' He paused. 'Or afraid,' he added after a while.  
  
Dean didn't ask,  
because he knew.  
  
When the sun nearly touched the sea, Dean asked, 'Do you think the war will ever be just a memory?'  
  
Seamus watched the scars on the back of his hand,  
where words had once been etched into his skin.  
  
'I hope so,' he answered.  
  
‘I think that’s why I went,’ Dean said suddenly. ‘To America, I mean. I think maybe I just needed to get away from here for a while. Away from the bad memories.’  
  
‘Yeah, I get that.’ Seamus watched Dean staring into the sunset, watched the way his brown eyes almost looked like liquid sunshine in the red and orange light. ‘Why come back then?’  
  
Dean turned to him,  
a soft smile on his face.  
  
‘Because the good memories will always outweigh the bad.’  
  
Heart feeling too small, Seamus smiled back weakly. ‘I’m glad.’  
  
But there must’ve been something on his face, something strange in his smile,  
because Dean frowned. He leaned forward, until Seamus’ vision was filled with Dean, Dean, Dean.  
  
‘You know I mean you, right? You’re my best memory, and I’ll always get back to you.’  
  
The words filled the air between them.  
  
Seamus’ throat felt tight.  
  
Dean’s eyes softened. ‘I came back, didn’t I? Even Voldemort couldn’t keep me away.’  
  
Seamus laughed.  
It sounded like a joke,  
yet something in Seamus’ heart lightened.  
  
Because Dean was right.  
He had always returned.  
  
‘Suppose I have to thank what’s his name,’ Seamus said, pulling on the sleeves of his sweater because he didn’t like talking about Liam.  
  
‘Liam?’  
  
‘Yeah, him. If he hadn’t broken your heart, you would’ve stayed longer.’  
  
Dean shifted awkwardly. ‘Yeah…’  
  
Seamus debated on whether or not to let it go,  
then decided that maybe they’ve had enough serious talk for one day.  
  
‘Let’s go back,’ he said, moving to his feet.  
  
‘Wait,’ Dean said. ‘The sun’s nearly gone. Let’s wait a few more minutes.’  
  
_I’ve been waiting for years for you, mate,_ Seamus wanted to say. _I can wait a few more minutes._ _  
__  
_ Instead he sat down beside Dean again,  
their hands on the grass nearly touching,  
their eyes on the setting sun.  
  
Or so Seamus thought.  
  
Because when he sneaked a glance at Dean,  
he was surprised to find Dean looking at him.  
  
Dean startled  
and quickly looked away.  
  
The last of the sunlight disappeared then,  
covering up their wide eyes and red cheeks.  
  
x  
  
Seamus’ dad mostly left them to it,  
except for when he didn’t,  
startling a few years off Seamus’ life when he asked, ‘So. Dean. How much do you love my son?’  
  
They were sitting on the couch, watching some Christmas movie, while Seamus’ mother was bustling in the kitchen, busy preparing for the big family dinner the next evening.  
  
Dean was holding a mug of coffee,  
but after the question, he cleared his throat and carefully put it down.  
  
‘Well,’ Dean said awkwardly.  
  
Seamus looked at his dad with wide eyes, but his dad’s face was fairly neutral. The only difference was that he’d actually put his book down for the conversation.  
  
Dean cleared his throat again. His hands were twitching, and Seamus knew they were clammy.  
Still he grabbed Dean’s hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.  
  
Dean gave him a relieved, nervous smile then turned back to Seamus’ father.  
  
‘Sir, do you know anything about art?’  
  
‘No, I do not.’  
  
‘That’s alright,’ Dean said shyly. He looked down at their clasped hands. ‘To make art, you need good paint. And you need to understand the paint you work with, you need to know how it will look on the canvas, how long it takes to dry, if you can blend it with other colours…’ Dean fell silent.  
  
No one said anything,  
but there must’ve been at least a thousand words running through Dean’s mind, Seamus thought.  
  
Eventually, Dean looked up. ‘Seamus is that for me. Good paint. Everything we do together feels like a new painting. I know him through and through and yet I feel like I haven’t even seen all the colour combinations there are. So. I would like to,’ Dean said shyly, glancing at Seamus. ‘I’d like to see all the art we can create together.’  
  
Seamus felt tears prick his eyes, burning nearly as hot as the warmth in his chest. The warmth that spread out from his heart to his shoulders, arms, fingertips. Warmth that held him tight like a hug.  
  
‘Huh,’ his dad said.  
  
‘That’s all?’ Seamus asked. His voice sounded rough.  
  
‘I mean,’ his dad said. ‘I hadn’t expected such an answer to be perfectly honest.’  
  
Dean smiled. ‘I’ve had years to think about it, sir.’  
  
‘Years?’ Seamus asked, surprised.  
  
‘Not all of us are as oblivious as youse are, sweetie,’ his mum called out from the kitchen.  
  
Before Seamus could try and figure out what she meant,  
his father picked up his book again  
and they resumed the Christmas movie.  
  
They were at the part of the movie where the big dramatic event was just waiting to happen,  
all because the main characters didn’t _communicate_.  
  
‘It’s always this big misunderstanding,’ Seamus said.  
  
‘Yeah,’ Dean said. ‘But they always talk it out in the end.’  
  
‘Kiss it out, more likely.’  
  
‘With snow.’  
  
They laughed, and watched  
exactly that  
happen.  
  
x  
  
Seamus’ family together was a lot to handle.  
  
Even Seamus thought this, and they were _his_ family.  
  
He couldn’t imagine how overwhelmed Dean must feel,  
but when he looked up from his mother’s excellent cooking, he found Dean sitting next to him with a smile on his face.  
  
Dean was chatting with Seamus’ aunt, who was a PR manager for a dress robes shop in Dublin.  
His aunt was talking wildly, gesturing with her fork and throwing peas everywhere in the process, which were picked up by one of his younger cousins who popped them into his mouth before spitting them out again with disgust.  
Children were weird.  
  
‘Seamus, mate, take another whiskey!’ one of his uncles exclaimed, already stumbling over with the bottle.  
  
Which was another Finnigan Christmas tradition.  
Drink.  
A lot.  
  
Feeling warm and content from being surrounded by family, from eating his mum’s amazing food,  
and from feeling Dean’s thigh press against his underneath the table,  
Seamus lifted his glass and accepted the whiskey.  
  
‘Thanks, uncle Ryan!’ he cheered.  
  
His uncle clinked the bottle against his glass, then looked over Seamus’ shoulder at Dean. ‘Does your mate there want some more too? You’re two glasses ahead of ‘im, I’d wager.’  
  
Seamus turned around and put a hand on Dean’s thigh,  
just because he could.  
  
Dean jumped a little at the contact.  
Then he turned and met Seamus with dark, dark eyes.  
  
Seamus licked his lips. ‘You want some more… whiskey?’ he asked, voice low.  
  
‘Your mate here has been leaving you in the dust!’ exclaimed uncle Ryan.  
  
Dean tore his gaze away from Seamus after a second too late;  
a second that Seamus could feel burning through him even after Dean said, ‘Can’t let that happen, huh?’ and then held out his glass.  
  
When he was done pouring, Uncle Ryan clapped them both on the shoulders. ‘You lads have fun. And don’t go waking up the whole house tonight, alright?’  
  
He winked.  
  
Seamus felt his cheeks burn.  
Then again, they were already burning from the amount of whiskey he’d had so nobody noticed. Probably.  
  
Then,  
Dean’s voice in his ear. Low. Soft. ‘How many glasses have you had?’  
  
Seamus swallowed, and turned to meet Dean’s warm gaze.  
  
‘Four,’ he said a little hoarsely.  
  
‘That’s a lot,’ Dean said. But it didn’t sound like he thought that was a bad thing. ‘I only drank two and I’m already feeling woozy.’  
  
‘How woozy?’ Seamus asked, leaning closer.  
  
And because he was close, he could see Dean’s eyes flicker downwards. To his lips.  
Then back again.  
  
‘Woozy enough to think it’s a good idea to drink another,’ Dean said.  
  
Seamus laughed.  
  
x  
  
And he laughed as he nearly fell down on the way up the stairs.    
  
‘ _Maaate_ ,’ Seamus giggled. ‘I shouldn’t have—shouldn’t have drunk… drank… that last glass.’  
  
Dean’s arm wrapped around Seamus’ chest and hauled him up. ‘Maybe not,’ Dean said. ‘But it’s nice that you need me for once.’  
  
They’d taken a few steps before Dean’s words made sense in Seamus’ mind.  
Or rather,  
they didn’t.  
  
Downstairs, they could hear the roaring laughter of drunken adults,  
but it felt far away.  
  
‘What?’ Seamus asked, but Dean refused to meet his eyes as he helped him up the last few steps.  
  
But Seamus wouldn’t let it go just like that.  
What the feck was Dean going on about?  
  
When Dean pushed open the bedroom door, Seamus reached out and grabbed his arm—or rather he tried, but ended up just sort of grazing Dean’s shoulder.  
  
‘Mate, what? What d’you mean?’  
  
‘It’s nothing major,’ Dean said, trying to smile it off. Like that would work.  
  
‘You think—’ Seamus swayed a little. ‘You think I don’t need you?’  
  
Dean rubbed his hands against his legs. Clammy probably. ‘I mean,’ he said awkwardly. ‘You always know what you want, what you’re good at, and you just. You don’t need my help or anything. You’re brilliant and strong and I’m just here to watch you be—’  
  
‘Hold the feck up,’ Seamus said, feeling a lot more sober than a few minutes before. ‘What are you—what the— That’s such bullshit, I don’t even know what t’say.’  
  
Dean laughed. ‘Let’s get you to bed, mister Finnigan.’  
  
‘ _Mate_ ,’ Seamus said, but he willingly let Dean drag him to the bed. _I mean, feck yes? Finally?_ ‘Mate, that’s such bullshit, I can’t believe you think I don’t need yo— _oof_.’  
  
Dean had stumbled over a pair of shoes lying on the ground and had fallen back on the bed, dragging Seamus with him.  
  
Seamus registered the fact that his… _everything_ was plastered all over Dean. He pushed himself up on shaky arms.  
  
‘Mate, I need you _so_ much, you have no feckin’ idea. Do you know what a mess I was when you were gone? Do you know how much I feckin’ love you?’  
  
Dean’s eyes widened.  
  
And Seamus vaguely remembered not wanting to say the last part out loud.  
  
But he clearly remembered the look on Dean’s face,  
the exact moment he thought  
_fuck it  
_before he grabbed Seamus’ face with both hands  
and pulled him down so their lips could meet in a bruising, drunken kiss.  
  
And it didn’t stop there.  
  
Like that one morning,  
Dean’s hand found his way to Seamus’ arse, and when he grabbed it hesitantly, pushing their lower bodies against each other, they were both suddenly _very_ aware of their boners.  
  
They stared at each other,  
breathless,  
aroused,  
confused.  
  
And Seamus decided to take the first step, grinding his hips down, grinding their dicks together, making Dean groan before he surged up and captured Seamus’ lips again.  
  
They kissed.  
And kissed.  
And kissed.  
  
They kissed until Seamus was so aroused and hard that he was sure he would come in his pants.  
  
He was panting and moaning between their hot kisses, barely getting enough air, when Dean’s hands were suddenly  
_everywhere_ ,  
taking off their shirts so their overheated skin could touch.  
  
‘ _Feck,_ ’ Seamus groaned into Dean’s neck.  
  
Dean tugged on his belt, and Seamus’ breath hitched, hips twitching in anticipation.  
  
‘Seamus,’ Dean breathed. His voice was so deep and low that it made Seamus shiver. ‘Is this okay?’  
  
Seamus lifted himself up slightly so he could look Dean in the eyes.  
  
Dean’s cheeks were red, and his mouth was swollen from all the kissing, but the thing that captivated Seamus the most were his eyes.  
They were looking at him like Seamus didn’t know what _need_ was.  
Like he didn’t know,  
because he couldn’t possibly  
_need_ _  
_ as much as Dean.  
  
Seamus shivered again. ‘Yeah,’ he rasped. ‘It’s okay.’  
  
And then they were both naked,  
and every inch of their skin was touching,  
and Dean kept looking at him like he _needed.  
  
_Seamus felt heady,  
felt himself burning everywhere Dean’s hands touched him,  
felt himself ignite into flames as Dean pushed him back on the bed and kissed his way down his stomach.  
  
‘I love your freckles so much,’ Dean groaned into Seamus’ skin, placing an open mouthed kiss on his hip.  
  
Seamus wanted to reply  
but then Dean grabbed his cock and _licked_ it, and all he could do was moan in response.  
  
Dean’s hand pushed down on Seamus’ hip, keeping him grounded, keeping him from bucking wildly when his mouth went down too.  
  
‘ _Feck feck fe_ —’ Seamus swore, nearly choking on his own spit when Dean’s nails dragged over his thighs.  
  
The pain and heat and pleasure was such a heady mixture Seamus felt like he’d downed an entire bottle of firewhiskey;  
every part of his body burning hot.  
  
And when he came with a groan,  
he felt drunk on the feeling of seeing Dean’s mouth slide off his cock,  
seeing the arousal in his eyes  
and seeing it double—no triple, when he spread Dean’s legs and kissed every inch of him.  
  
Through his drunken haze,  
Seamus saw Dean was just as much of a mess as him.  
If not more.  
  
It did funny things to Seamus’ stomach.  
  
When their eyes locked,  
Seamus licked slowly down the side of Dean’s cock, letting his tongue drag over every sensitive inch until Dean’s eyes rolled back and his hips were shifting and his hands were desperately reaching for Seamus.  
  
‘Sea—Seamus,’ Dean moaned breathlessly. ‘That feels _so_ good.’  
  
It felt good for Seamus too.  
In fact, it felt feckin’ incredible to finally see what Dean looked like when he moaned Seamus’ name as he came, to feel the muscles in Dean’s thigh lock as his body shuddered,  
and to know that _he_ had done that.  
  
And of course it felt feckin’ incredible when Dean dragged Seamus back up to kiss him. And kiss him. And kiss him.  
  
They kissed until Dean’s erection was pressing against Seamus’ hip again,  
and they kissed feverishly when Dean jerked them both off.  
  
Seamus felt lightheaded and aroused and _loved,  
_and the emotions were too much at once.  
  
He barely remembered saying the words,  
but he remembered the look in Dean’s eyes.  
  
‘ _Dean_ ,’ he moaned against Dean’s lips. ‘ _I need you_.’  
  
Dean’s sharp intake of breath was the only warning Seamus got before a hot and sticky mess coated his stomach,  
and then he was coming too.  
  
x  
  
‘Dean! Seamus!’ his mum yelled from downstairs the next morning. ‘Are you coming? Breakfast’s ready!’  
  
Seamus’ eyes flew open.  
  
The first thing he saw was his green bedroom wall and a corner of one of his quidditch posters.  
The second thing was a naked shoulder, partly covered by his blanket.  
And the third thing Seamus saw when he slowly pushed himself upright,  
was Dean,  
lying in his bed  
and staring at the ceiling.  
  
Last night.  
  
The fact that Seamus was completely naked beneath the sheets told him enough, even though he had no trouble remembering what had happened.  
He didn’t think even an obliviate could erase the memory of Dean’s burning hands gripping his overheated skin.  
  
Seamus blushed, feeling incredibly shy and awkward all of a sudden.  
  
‘ _Seamus_!’ his mom shouted.  
  
‘Yeah, coming!’ he quickly called back.  
  
The silence after his words  
was tense.  
  
After an eternity of neither of them speaking, the blanket shifted.  
  
Dean sat up. ‘Best get dressed.’  
  
Seamus nodded.  
  
Dean moved to his feet and walked over to his bag for some fresh clothes,  
while Seamus stared at the blankets.    
  
His fingers plucked absentmindedly at the threads. He didn’t have it in himself to care that they were breaking one by one.  
  
In the quiet room, the sound of Dean getting dressed was loud.  
But Dean's silence was louder.  
  
At the door, Dean paused. ‘Meet you downstairs?’  
  
‘Yeah,’ Seamus said.  
  
He could feel Dean’s eyes boring into his back.  
  
He felt so naked all of a sudden.  
Ashamed and naked.  
He’d told Dean all of his secrets—no, he’d _shown_ Dean all his secrets, had shown them one kiss at a time  
until he’d given him _everything_.  
  
And Dean walked away.  
  
Seamus felt tears burning in his eyes,  
but they burned worse when they dripped down his face.  
  
x  
  
Breakfast was awkward.  
  
His mum seemed to catch the sudden change of mood because she kept chattering about the previous night, filling their silence with meaningless words.  
  
Seamus noticed Dean was eating very little.  
  
Seamus wanted to say something,  
but as soon as his mum started clearing away the plates, Dean stood up and walked back to their room.  
  
‘You need to pack, right?’ his mum asked as she took away his plate.  
  
‘Yeah, we’re going to Dean’s family today. At least, I think we are.’  
  
‘What d’you mean?’  
  
Seamus bit his lip to stop himself from crying, but because she was his mother, she immediately saw and understood.  
  
Her arms closed around him and hugged him close. ‘Did something happen, darling? Did you fight?’  
  
Seamus nodded as he sobbed into his mother’s shoulder.  
It was close enough to the truth.  
  
His mum rubbed his back soothingly. ‘Oh darling,’ she said softly. ‘That’s awful. I’m sorry you two had a fight, but I know you and Dean. I know you’ll get past this. You always have, and you always will. Just don’t forget how much you love each other.’  
  
‘You mean _if_ he loves me,’ Seamus complained between sobs.  
  
‘Shush,’ his mum said sternly. ‘Don’t be daft, of course he loves you. We could all see it last night, trust me. Now go upstairs and pack your things, or you’ll be late.’  
  
Seamus wiped his eyes then moved to his feet. He paused near the stairs and turned back to his mum.  
  
‘Thanks, mum,’ he said with a weak smile.  
  
She gave him a brilliant one in return. ‘Always, darling. Now go! Talk about it.’  
  
x  
  
Dean was in the middle of packing when Seamus entered the bedroom.  
  
‘Hey,’ Seamus said tentatively.  
  
‘Hey,’ Dean said, not looking up from his suitcase.  
  
‘So…’ Seamus said, sitting down on the bed. He pulled on his sleeves nervously. ‘Last night, uh… You know. I feel like maybe we should talk about it?’  
  
Dean tensed. ‘Sure. Yeah.’  
  
‘So, um. I drank a lot. And it made everything…’ Seamus trailed off, searching for the right way to end that sentence.  
  
_So much easier to say._ _  
__To show._ _  
__It made it so easy to believe that you love me.  
  
_‘I’m sorry,’ Dean said. He sounded ashamed. ‘I’m sorry. We both had a lot to drink. You even more than me. And what happened, that wasn’t… That couldn’t have been consensual. I’m so sorry it happened, it shouldn’t have.’  
  
Seamus stared at Dean’s broad back,  
at the tense lines making up his frame,  
at the way he was hunched over his suitcase.  
  
Seamus stared  
as his heart broke into a million pieces.  
  
‘Right,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s just—I wasn’t that drunk, I remember everything that happened.’  
  
‘Even worse,’ Dean said. He pushed his hands into his eyes and groaned. ‘God, Seamus, we fucked up.’  
  
_What?  
_ How was that worse?  
How could what happened yesterday be anything other than wonderful?  
  
Seamus struggled to breathe past the tightness in his throat.  
The crushing weight on his chest.  
  
‘Guess I’ll go pack,’ he managed to say.  
  
‘Sorry,’ was all Dean replied.  
  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time; ‘I wonder how kissing works with you two,’ Dean’s mum mused. ‘Do you like, bend down, or… ?’
> 
> Lmao Dean's mum. How to make two people extremely uncomfortable.  
> Anyways, angst and smut! 
> 
> Let me know what you thought! If you want, obviously :) And thank you so much for reading!! That means a lot to me, truly <3


	5. Part 3. & Part 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people!
> 
> So sorry this took longer than expected. I wasn't completely satisfied with it yet, BUT now I am so... 
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

They used a portkey to get to Dean’s family home; a nice little house in the suburbs of London.  
  
There were yellow and purple flowers growing in the small front garden, primroses and pansies probably, and a little garden gnome still covered in snow.  
  
The first thing Dean’s mum did after she opened the door was push a finger into Dean’s chest and demand, ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were dating!’  
  
Dean spluttered,  
and for a moment the awkwardness of this morning was forgotten.  
  
‘I—uh, I mean we haven’t been together for long?’  
  
‘All your friends knew! Seamus’ mother knew!’ Dean’s mum exclaimed. Then she noticed Seamus, and all of a sudden a big smile graced her face. ‘Seamus! You’ve grown up so handsome!’  
  
She enveloped him in a hug that smelled of christmas cake.  
  
‘Though I guess you could’ve used a few more inches, right?’ she teased.  
  
‘ _Mum_ ,’ Dean said, embarrassed. ‘Seamus is perfectly fine, I’m just too tall.’  
  
‘What?’ Seamus said, offended on Dean’s behalf. ‘You’re not too tall. Besides, it’s useful that you’re tall.’  
  
‘I wonder how kissing works with you two,’ Dean’s mum mused. ‘Do you like, bend down, or… ?’  
  
Dean turned deep red. ‘ _Mum_.’  
  
‘Well, I’ll find out soon enough,’ she said with a grin, and opened the door to let them in.  
  
‘What?’ Dean asked, but as soon as they stepped inside the hallway, his mother cackled and pointed at the ceiling.  
  
‘Look above you!’  
  
_Feck._  
A mistletoe.  
  
They really should’ve seen that coming, Seamus thought.   
And they probably would have if yesterday hadn’t happened.  
Or rather, last night…  
  
No.  
Seamus wouldn’t regret it.  
Not in a million years.  
  
Meanwhile, Dean’s mum was still laughing. ‘Pucker up, boys.’  
  
‘Mum, honestly,’ Dean started, but she held up her hand to silence him.  
  
‘This is punishment for not telling your mum, boy!’  
  
Seamus could see that Dean was about to argue again,  
so he grabbed Dean’s arm and turned him around.  
  
‘Hey,’ Seamus said softly. ‘It’s just a kiss, right?’  
  
Dean looked at him.  
Many emotions crossed over his face before he eventually nodded.  
  
‘You can look a bit happier about it,’ Seamus teased. Because Dean’s mum was watching.  
  
Dean smiled,  
and it looked almost real.  
  
They leaned towards each other,  
Dean bending down  
and Seamus standing on his tiptoes.  
  
The kiss was a little cold  
because they’d been standing outside,  
and because they hadn’t made up yet,  
but still Seamus’ breath hitched in his throat when Dean’s hand cupped the back of his neck and pulled him even closer.  
  
Dean’s lips were just as soft as last night,  
if not softer.  
  
‘Uh-huh,’ Dean’s mum said. ‘That’s enough for me. I’ll go get the cake from the oven.’  
  
As soon as they could hear her footsteps retreating,  
Dean pulled back.  
  
But his hand was still on the back of Seamus’ neck,  
and his warm brown eyes were still glued to Seamus.  
  
‘I don’t want to fight,’ Seamus said quietly. ‘Can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?’  
  
Dean’s hand tightened, and Seamus saw an incredible sadness cross over his face.  
  
_How could he regret last night so much?  
  
_ It made Seamus’ chest hurt,  
but when Dean nodded and smiled and said, ‘Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.’  
it eased up.  
  
Just a little.  
  
x  
  
Before they could even get to Dean’s bedroom,  
Seamus’ arm was grabbed by two girls with warm brown eyes.  
  
Dean’s half-sisters.  
  
‘Hullo!’ the one on the left said. ‘I’m Claire!’  
  
‘And I’m Anna,’ the one on the right introduced herself. ‘You must be Dean’s boyfriend.’  
  
Seamus felt himself blush.  
  
_Dean’s boyfriend_.  
  
Still had a nice ring to it.  
  
‘He’s blushing,’ Claire giggled.  
  
‘Now don’t go pretending you don’t know who this is,’ Dean’s mum called from the kitchen. She emerged seconds later with a wooden spoon. ‘This is Seamus, girls.’  
  
‘We know,’ Anna said. ‘He’s got the freckles. And besides, Dean never talks about his other friends.’  
  
Claire nodded. She was staring at Seamus with wide eyes. ‘Do you have an Irish accent?’ she asked shyly.  
  
‘Of course he does, Claire,’ Dean said, trying not to laugh.  
  
‘Yeah, I do,’ Seamus said. ‘Everyone in my family does.’  
  
Judging by the look of wonder on Claire’s face, she thought this was absolutely wonderful.  
  
‘Are you gonna kiss our brother now?’ Anna asked.  
  
‘Anna—’ Dean started, but Seamus interrupted him. ‘I just did,’ he said with a wink. ‘But maybe later today.’  
  
‘Come on,’ Dean said, and lightly grabbed Seamus’ wrist. The touch set off a thousand butterflies in Seamus’ stomach. ‘We need to put our stuff upstairs.’  
  
‘Can we watch a Christmas movie later?’ Anna asked.  
  
‘Sure we can,’ Seamus said with a smile, before following Dean upstairs.  
  
x  
  
‘The girls have the attic,’ Dean explained as he opened his door on the first floor. ‘They said it was more magical.’  
  
‘Do they have magic?’ Seamus asked, curious.  
  
‘Anna doesn’t,’ Dean answered, reaching for Seamus’ suitcase before lugging it inside the room. ‘But maybe Claire. We don’t know for sure.’  
  
Seamus followed him inside,  
and was surprised at the lack of colour in the room. It was mostly blacks and greys.  
Posters of football players were hanging on the wall above Dean’s _queen sized bed_.  
  
‘Mate, your bed is huge!’ Seamus exclaimed, walking over and letting himself fall on it.  
  
He could hear Dean laughing as he rolled their suitcases to the corner of the room. ‘I got it when I was sixteen. Mum said it was time for a grown-up bed.’  
  
Seamus stared at the football lamp on the ceiling. ‘Footballs are so boring,’ he mumbled. ‘Just black and whi— Wait, is that why your room is black and white?’  
  
‘That's—I mean—It has grey too!’ Dean exclaimed.  
  
‘Mate.’  
  
Dean laughed. He moved to sit down on the bed and after a moment of hesitation, laid down next to Seamus.  
  
‘So this was your for room all those years,’ Seamus said.  
  
‘Yeah.'  
  
‘This was where you spent every summer away from me. In this world of grey.’  
  
‘Told you you’re my paint,’ Dean said quietly.  
  
Seamus’ heart stopped momentarily in his chest,  
before pounding twice as fast as before.  
  
Slowly, he turned his head.  
  
Dean was lying on his side, head pillowed on his arm. Watching him.  
  
‘That why you wrote me so many letters?’ Seamus joked, but his voice was hoarse.  
  
‘Absolutely,’ Dean said. He reached out, as if he was going to take Seamus’ hand, but in the end he just dropped it on the bed. ‘That’s why it’s bad that last night happened. Seamus, I— Our friendship means everything to me.’  
  
Yeah, Seamus understood that.  
Felt the same even.  
But why throw away something before even giving it a chance?  
  
He opened his mouth to say as much, when someone knocked on the door.  
  
‘Dean! You promised you’d watch a movie with us!’  
  
‘It’s only been ten minutes, Anna,’ Dean called back.  
  
‘I’m too young to wait!’  
  
A laugh escaped Seamus. ‘Is she always like that?’  
  
Dean shot him an exasperated look. ‘Pretty much.’  
  
x  
  
‘Oh nooo,’ Anna moaned. ‘I hate this part. Grown-ups are so dumb, they should just _communicate_.’  
  
‘How old are you exactly?’ Seamus asked, trying very hard to act casual with Dean’s arm around his shoulder.  
  
‘Thirteen.’  
  
‘I’m ten,’ Claire said without taking her eyes off the screen.  
  
Seamus nodded and went back to trying to focus on the movie. They were at the part were the guy and girl just had an argument and thought the other didn’t really love them after all.  
Same old, same old when it came to Christmas movies.  
Or movies in general.  
  
‘Watch,’ Claire said suddenly. ‘Now comes the part where they realise they love each other.’  
  
‘It’s her favourite part,’ Dean whispered in Seamus’ ear, making him feel warm and fuzzy all over.  
  
Seamus turned his head to look Dean in the eye. ‘I think that’s everyone’s favourite part,’ he whispered back.  
  
Dean smiled.  
  
He didn’t lean back.  
  
They were close.  
Close enough to kiss.  
Seamus’ heart started pounding wildly when he realised how small the distance between their lips was.  
  
It would take less than a second to close it.  
  
‘Kiss?’ Dean whispered, eyes flickering down to Seamus’ mouth.  
  
Seamus licked his lips. ‘Yeah.’  
  
As Dean leaned forward and closed the minimal distance between them,  
Seamus subconsciously held his breath,  
afraid Dean would move away if he so much as breathed wrong.  
  
But when their lips touched,  
Dean didn’t move away.  
  
He _stayed._  
  
Seamus sighed and leaned into the kiss.  
  
‘Oh my gosh,’ Anna whispered.  
  
‘They’re kissing!’ Claire whispered back.  
  
It made Seamus smile,  
and he could feel Dean smiling against his lips too.  
  
x  
  
Getting into Dean’s queen size bed that evening was nothing if not awkward.  
  
‘I can sleep on the ground,’ Seamus suggested, but Dean shot him a look that was a mix of guilt and awkwardness.  
  
‘Absolutely not,’ Dean said. 'This bed is big enough for us both.’  
  
To make his point clear, Dean resolutely got into bed.   
Seamus followed suit, hissing when the cold blankets touched his bare feet. He quickly rubbed them against the mattress to warm them up.  
  
‘Cold?’ Dean asked quietly.

‘Yeah, but I’ll warm up in a minute.’  
  
For a few seconds, they just laid in the bed, both staring at the ceiling while Seamus tried to bring some life back in his feet.  
  
Eventually, Dean sighed. ‘Come here.’  
  
Seamus turned his head in surprise. ‘What?’  
  
Dean didn’t meet his eyes. ‘I said, come here.’  
  
_What?_ _Wouldn’t that be awkward?_  
  
‘You want to cuddle?’ Seamus asked, perplexed.  
  
‘I mean...’ Dean said, and he shifted awkwardly. ‘You’re cold.’  
  
A smile spread on Seamus’ face.  
  
He shuffled over to Dean, who wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. Seamus’ head fit snugly in the crook of Dean’s shoulder.  
  
Against his will, Seamus sighed deeply.  
  
‘Better?’ Dean asked. Seamus could hear him smiling.  
  
‘ _Much_ ,’ Seamus replied.  
  
Dean rubbed Seamus’ back, trying to warm him up,   
never mind that Seamus was now warm all over.  
  
Feeling so, so comfortable, Seamus made a satisfied sound in the back of his throat and Dean,  
Dean leaned forward,  
kissing Seamus’ forehead in response.  
  
They both froze.  
  
‘Uh,’ Dean said. ‘Sorry, I just—’  
  
‘It’s okay,’ Seamus replied quickly, feeling his cheeks burn.  
  
x  
  
Dean’s mum was a lot more intense in the morning than Seamus’ mum, who would sit bleary-eyed on the couch, sipping her tea and staring at the telly before she’d get up after an hour or so.  
  
But not Dean’s mum.  
  
She knocked on the door the next morning, startling both Dean and Seamus awake, then barged in and exclaimed, ‘You’ll be helping out with dinner prep today, lads, so no sleeping in!’  
  
‘Mum!’ Dean yelled. ‘What the— You can’t just barge in!’  
  
His mum scratched her head and looked sheepishly at her son and his boyfriend.  
  
‘Oops,’ she said guiltily. ‘I ruined your romantic lie-in, didn’t I?’  
  
‘Yeah,’ Dean said immediately, surprising Seamus so much he had to quickly hide his face in a pillow before anyone noticed.  
  
Dean’s mum rubbed her hands nervously against her denim skirt.  
Seamus smiled at the familiarity.  
Apparently, nervous clammy hands was a Thomas thing.  
  
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I get stressed out by the holidays.’  
  
‘I know, mum,’ Dean said. ‘Would it be okay if we came down in thirty minutes?’  
  
‘Yeah, of course! You boys have your morning cuddle!’  
  
Dean coughed. ‘Thanks, mum.’  
  
The door closed,  
and the bed shifted,  
and then Dean laid back down.    
  
Warm brown eyes stared into Seamus’ own.  
  
‘Good morning,’ Seamus said quietly.  
  
Dean smiled. ‘Sorry mum woke us up.’  
  
‘It’s fine.’  
  
‘I know you like to sleep in.’  
  
Seamus yawned. ‘Yeah, but it’s fine. We still got permission for a morning cuddle, right?’  
  
He gave Dean a teasing grin.  
  
Dean groaned. ‘If we even get thirty minutes. If Anna or Claire senses we’re up…’  
  
It wasn’t a no.  
It wasn’t a _no, I don’t want to cuddle with you_.  
Seamus’ heart pounded in his chest.  
  
Carefully,  
oh so carefully,  
he reached out a hand  
and carefully brushed his fingers over the creases between Dean’s eyebrows.  
  
‘Don’t frown, mate,’ he said softly.  
  
Dean let out a laugh that was part surprise, part fondness.  
The laugh smoothed out his frown though.  
  
And before Seamus could take his hand back, Dean grasped it and brought it to his cheek.  
  
‘I love being close to you,’ Dean whispered. His words were like a warm blanket wrapping closely around Seamus. ‘Sometimes… I want to be even closer.’  
  
Without waiting another nervous heartbeat,  
Seamus shuffled closer;  
close enough for their legs to touch underneath the blankets.  
  
‘Like this?’ he asked quietly.  
  
Dean swallowed.  
His eyes were warm and soft and… something that contrasted both. Something that had an edge,  
something that cut into your soul.  
  
Something like _needing_.  
  
‘Even closer,’ Dean replied.  
  
Seamus’ heart skipped a beat.  
  
He moved even closer,  
startling them both when their noses touched.  
  
And when he asked, ‘Liked this?’  
his question brushed over Dean’s lips.  
  
‘Sometimes, even that’s not close enough,’ Dean said,  
and Seamus could taste his longing.  
  
His heart ached in his chest.  
  
If only Dean knew how close Seamus wanted to be.  
  
x  
  
‘Your rolls look rubbish,’ Anna said. ‘Claire, show Seamus how he needs to roll the ham.’  
  
Claire washed her hands in the sink, then moved to stand beside Seamus, peering over his shoulder.  
  
‘Tell me,’ Seamus said with a smile. ‘Teach me, oh wise one.’  
  
Claire giggled and reached over to pick up a thin piece of ham. ‘You need to make sure you have a somewhat even piece, or it’s not going to work.’  
  
‘Ah, that’s where I went wrong.’  
  
‘I'll leave you to it,’ Anna said, wiping her hands on her apron. ‘I’m gonna check if mum needs help with anything.’  
  
For a moment, Seamus could see Claire looking nervously at her sister’s retreating back. She probably wasn’t totally comfortable being alone with him.  
Even though he’d been here a few days already, Claire was still shy around him.  
  
Seamus, who was used to his family being loud and outgoing, had trouble trying to figure out how to make Claire more comfortable.  
Eventually he’d settled on letting her initiate conversation,  
so as not to spook her.  
  
‘Yeah,’ he said, when Claire put the perfect ham roll away. ‘That’s way better than mine.’  
  
Claire smiled. ‘You’ll get the hang of it, I’m sure.’  
  
‘I see Dean got his optimism from you,’ Seamus joked.  
  
Claire was silent.  
She stared at his hands as Seamus attempted to bend the slice of ham to his will. He thought it was a good attempt, until he laid it next to the roll Claire had made and saw how sad it looked. It was nowhere near as neat.  
  
‘Can I tell you a secret?’ Claire suddenly asked.  
  
‘Always,’ Seamus answered. ‘Though I’m not the best at keeping secrets.’  
  
‘That’s okay. It’s not a big secret.’  
  
‘I’m all ears.’  
  
Claire reached for another piece of ham and started molding it into shape. ‘Dean told me he was very scared in his first year. He told me he wasn’t sure he would belong, that he was afraid he would suck at being a wizard.’  
  
Seamus laughed a little. He didn’t remember a ton from their first year. Their first day was just a blur of excitement in his mind.  
But the nerves sounded like Dean alright; wiping his small, clammy hands on his new wizard robes.  
Seamus melted a little.  
  
‘And then you came,’ Claire continued. ‘And Dean felt like maybe he could be an alright wizard after all.’  
  
Seamus’ throat suddenly felt a little dry.  
He tried to swallow.  
  
‘Really?’  
  
‘That’s what he told me,’ Claire said. ‘And that’s what he told me when I asked about you. That you make him feel like he can do more than he thought.’  
  
Seamus blinked hard against the tears suddenly welling up in his eyes.  
_Shite_.  
  
He quickly wiped at his eyes before Claire noticed. ‘Well Dean is all of that for me too. All of that and more. He feels like home to me. Like, he’s always got my back, and he’s always supported me and just… been there for me.’  
  
_And then he didn’t allow me to be there for him._  
  
Seamus shook away the thought.  
  
Dean had a right to privacy. He had a right to figure shite out on his own first.  
The thought of possibly being gay or bi or whatever had probably been scary to Dean. And maybe it had been even scarier to say out loud.  
  
Seamus knew that now.  
Now that he’d tried so many times to tell Dean that  
_it’s not fake.  
__it’s real, it’s real, it’s real.  
  
_‘Do you like that Dean has a boyfriend?’ he asked, trying to change the subject in the kitchen and in his head.  
  
Claire hummed as she reached for another slice of ham. Seamus noticed she’d already done five more while he’d been lost in thought. _Oops_.  
  
‘Yes,’ Claire said simply.  
  
Seamus smiled down at his own botched ham roll.  
  
x  
  
The old year was coming to an end  
and Seamus was greeting the new year with a fake boyfriend.  
Who happened to be Dean.  
  
_Woah._  
No other year would ever be able to top that.  
  
Seamus fixed the bowtie around his neck,  
then smoothed down the creases in his green shirt. His mother had bought it for him for Christmas, but when she learned about Dean and their New Years’ plans, she insisted he wear it at Dean’s.  
  
It was a bit weird.  
Seamus normally never dressed up.  
  
Dean entered the bedroom and did a double take. ‘You never dress up,’ he said.  
  
‘Mate,’ Seamus said. ‘I dressed up, like, a week ago for the ball.’  
  
‘But those were dress robes. This is…’ Dean searched for words while his eyes drifted over Seamus. ‘This is nice,’ he settled on.  
  
Seamus snorted. ‘Well thanks, mate.’  
  
He’d meant it as a joke, but to his surprise Dean’s cheeks turned red and he spluttered, ‘I mean, it’s really nice. I didn’t mean it was just okay! It’s just that I don’t see you in dress shirts a lot and it’s just very, um. Very… nice.’  
  
Seamus blinked.  
  
Dean wiped his hands on his trousers.  
  
‘I take it you like it?’ Seamus asked drily.  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
Seamus moved in front of Dean and tugged on Dean’s tie. ‘I like this too,’ he said. ‘It’s… nice.’  
  
Dean looked bewildered for a moment,  
until he noticed the big grin on Seamus’ face.  
  
‘ _Mate_ ,’ he said, exasperated.  
  
Seamus laughed. ‘You should’ve seen yer face!’  
  
‘Shut up.’ Dean gave him a playful push, and when Seamus kept laughing, pulled him closer and kissed the smile right off his face.  
  
Stunned, Seamus forgot to breathe for a second or two.  
  
Then he tightened his grip on Dean’s tie and pulled him closer to deepen their kiss,  
already wanting more, more, _more_.  
  
The bedroom door opened with a bang.  
  
Anna gasped. ‘Oh god, you’re really snogging in front of me. I’m too young for this.’  
  
Instead of the usual lurching back,  
Dean leaned away slowly this time, placing a soft kiss on Seamus’ nose before turning to his sister.  
  
‘You’re not too young to knock,’ he said.  
  
‘Can’t you hang a sock on the door or something?’  
  
‘In my own house? That’s a thing they do in college, Ann. Or at least, I think they do. Besides, I thought you wanted to see us kiss?’  
  
‘Kiss, yes. Not this tongue thing!’  
  
‘There wasn’t even— No, never mind, you don’t need to know that. Why did you barge into my room?’  
  
‘Cause we’re having dinner in a few minutes and my best friend already arrived and gran is here and Auntie Em too, so you need to come down and socialize.’  
  
‘Oh, okay,’ Dean said. ‘We’ll be down in a minute.’  
  
‘Don’t be too gross when I’m gone!’ Anna called out, before rushing out of the room, pulling the door close behind her.  
  
The slam of the door finally jostled Seamus out of his daze.  
He brought his hand to his nose  
and touched the place Dean had kissed.  
  
_Woah_.  
  
‘Seamus?’ Dean asked hesitatingly. ‘You good to go?’  
  
Seamus gave him a big grin. ‘ _Splendid_.’  
  
x  
  
They were all sitting at the table, eating, talking, laughing.  
  
There was a lot less alcohol, but Seamus was okay with that. He was too nervous about making a good impression. Drinking five glasses of whiskey was probably a bad idea.  
  
It was in the middle of a joke by Auntie Em,  
that the doorbell rang.  
  
‘Who could that be?’ Dean’s mum asked, eyebrows raised.  
  
‘I’ll get it,’ Dean said, wiping his mouth with his napkin before moving to his feet. ‘You’ve walked enough today, mum.’  
  
Everyone laughed and the conversation resumed.  
  
Auntie Em was an awesome person, Seamus learned, mostly through her wild stories. Judging by everyone’s captivated stares, he wasn’t the only one who thought this.  
  
When the story was done,  
Seamus noticed Dean still hadn’t come back.  
  
He quickly wiped his mouth and moved to his feet. ‘I’m gonna check where Dean is. Sorry.’  
  
Dean’s mum gave him a quick nod before launching into one of her own stories. Seamus could hear Anna protesting,  
but the sounds from the dining room were drowned out by a thick rushing sound in his ears  
as he saw Dean  
with his arms around another bloke.  
  
‘Dean?’ he asked.  
  
His voice sounded so quiet.  
  
Dean lurched back.  
And that…  
That was bad.  
But it was even worse when Dean looked _guilty_ and _confused_ and _hurt_.  
  
‘Seamus,’ he said, surprised. ‘This is, um.’  
  
The guy emerged out of the darkness,  
and he was all bright blue eyes and dark hair and dimples.  
Handsome.  
  
‘Hi! I’m Liam.’  
  
x  
  
Seamus’ heart beat loudly inside his chest.  
  
Once,  
twice,  
thrice.  
  
‘... What?’ Seamus asked faintly.  
  
‘Sorry to interrupt your festivities,’ Liam said. ‘But I’m here for a late Christmas miracle.’  
  
‘Liam…’ Dean started, but Liam held up his hand and smiled another billion dollar smile.  
  
‘Listen,’ he said. ‘I know I fucked up. I know I shouldn’t have let you go back. I shouldn’t have. You and me, we're a good thing. And it took you leaving for me to really see that.’  
  
Seamus couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t, couldn’t—  
  
‘I hope it’s not too late,’ Liam smiled sheepishly. ‘I hope it counts for something that I braced the Christmas rush at the airport just to try and get you back.’  
  
‘Liam…’ Dean said thickly.  
  
_This was it_.  
_It wasn’t real.  
_ _It had never been real.  
_ _It was fake, fake, fake_.  
  
‘Alright,’ Seamus said. His voice broke in the middle of the word but who the feck cared? Probably not Liam. ‘That’s… nice.’ He winced as he remembered their kiss from earlier. ‘I’ll, eh, leave you to it, then.’  
  
And you know what feckin’ hurt the most?  
  
That when Dean said, ‘Seamus…’  
  
Liam said, ‘Let’s take a walk.’  
  
And Dean did.  
  
The slam of the front door  
echoed over and over and over and over through Seamus’ ears.  
  
x  
  
Seamus managed to lock himself in the upstairs bathroom before the breakdown happened.  
  
In no time his sleeves were wet from all the tears he tried to wipe away.  
  
Soundless sobs  
wrecked Seamus’ body.  
  
His hands were shaking as he wrapped them around his chest  
trying to keep his heart from breaking,  
trying to keep all the tiny pieces together, _somehow_.  
  
He bent double with the force of every painful heartbeat.  
It wanted to shatter,  
so badly.  
  
And then.  
Footsteps.  
On the stairs.  
  
_Shite shite shite_ .  
  
Seamus put a hand over his mouth to stifle any sounds,  
and yet the doorknob turned.  
  
‘Seamus?’  
  
It was Claire.  
  
‘Seamus, I know you’re in there.’  
  
Forcing air through his throat, Seamus managed to rasp, ‘Yeah?’  
  
‘Does—’ Claire paused. ‘Are you… Um.’ She stopped again.  
  
Seamus could hear something hit the door,  
then a sliding sound.  
  
Claire sitting on the ground with him.  
  
Seamus wiped away the tears on his face,  
but a dozen more immediately took their place.  
  
‘It’s nearly midnight,’ Claire said after a thousand tears.  
  
Something in Seamus jostled awake at the words.  
  
What was he doing?  
  
He didn’t want to go into the New Year like this.  
No feckin’ way.  
Not on the feckin’ floor in Dean’s house while Dean had feckin’ left him for Liam with his dog name.  
  
A few tears dripped on the floor as Seamus slowly moved to his feet.  
  
‘Claire,’ he said. His voice sounded wrecked. ‘I’m gonna go.’  
  
‘Yeah,’ Claire said. She sounded sad. ‘I thought so.’  
  
x  
  
Seamus had his wand and backpack ready within minutes. He’d get his suitcase some other time.  
Not now.  
Not on New Year’s.  
  
He didn’t want to look at Claire as he walked past her towards the bedroom,  
but he couldn’t help looking at her when he made for the stairs.  
  
Her dark hair was like a halo around her  
as she leaned against the bathroom door  
and stared at him.  
  
‘I don’t like this part of the movie,’ she said sadly.  
  
‘Me neither,’ Seamus replied.  
  
x  
  
He didn’t look back as he closed the front door behind him. He wouldn’t be able to look Dean’s mum in the eyes anyway, knowing they’d both lied to her.  
  
He wondered how Dean was going to explain that.  
Mister Dog Name.  
  
Predictably, it was cold outside. It was even snowing lightly, soft small flakes hitting the freckles’ on his face.  
  
Seamus sighed and set off for the corner of the street, where he could likely apparate to a portkey company.  
  
He’d be home in a few hours at most.  
Greeting the New Year with people who actually loved hi—  
  
‘Seamus!’  
  
Snow creaked underneath Dean’s boots  
and hot air spilled from his mouth  
as he was running up to Seamus.  
  
‘What d’you want?’ Seamus asked.  
  
He had a hard time meeting Dean’s eyes.  
  
He didn’t want to see an apology there.  
Seeing an apology was maybe even worse than hearing one. Because words could be blurted out, could be half-truths or straight-up lies.  
  
Eyes couldn’t.  
  
‘Where are you going?’ Dean asked, slightly out of breath.  
  
‘Home,’ Seamus answered. And because he was feckin’ angry and hurting, he added, ‘To people who love me.’  
  
‘I love you,’ Dean said quietly.  
  
‘I know, but _mate_ . That’s not enough. Not now.’  
  
Dean looked like he’d been slapped. ‘But,’ he started. ‘But it’s late, and it’s— it’s New Year’s eve.’  
  
As if he didn’t know that.  
Tears pricked Seamus’ eyes, and he didn’t try to fool himself by thinking it might be the cold wind.  
  
‘I know,’ Seamus said. ‘Doesn’t make it hurt less, you know.’  
  
‘Hurt?’ Dean looked confused. ‘What hurts?’  
  
And it was that question,  
that made something snap inside Seamus.  
Like the fuse had been slowly burning up  
until it finally reached the firework inside Seamus’ heart.  
  
Seamus saw sparks from anger. ‘What— _What hurts_ ?’ he repeated incredulously. ‘Feckin’ _everything_ hurts, mate!’  
  
He took an angry step towards Dean. ‘How about you lying to me about your feckin’ boyfriend? Lying to me about fancying blokes! I’m your feckin’ best mate! Or at least I thought I was—’  
  
‘You are,’ Dean said immediately. ‘Seamus, you—’  
  
‘Then you should’ve told me all that shite!’ Seamus exploded. ‘Who the fuck am I to you if you couldn’t even tell me that!’ To his mortification, tears were streaming from his eyes again. ‘You kept me out of your life! As if it wasn’t enough that you just fecked off to America and left me behind.’  
  
Looking absolutely devastated, Dean reached towards him but Seamus immediately shook his hand off.  
  
‘No! You don’t get to touch me anymore!’ he yelled.  
  
‘Seamus...’ Dean tried. ‘I’m _so_ sorry for what happened between us. I— I know it was wrong, but—’  
  
Seamus let out a hollow laugh. ‘Wrong? I thought you liked blokes.’  
  
Dean cringed. ‘I do but that’s not—’ He took a step forward.  ‘Seamus, this was _you_ . I didn’t want to hurt you. God, I hate myself for hurting you.’  
  
‘Well maybe you shouldn’t have fecked off with your boyfriend,’ Seamus muttered, trying to wipe his tears away.  
  
‘You mean Liam?’ Dean sounded confused. ‘He’s not my boyfriend anymore. I told you we broke up.’  
  
‘Yeah because he wouldn’t go to England for you. But he’s here now, isn’t he?’  
  
Dean sighed.  
He shuffled his feet, and the sound of the snow creaking underneath his boots was surprisingly loud in the cold night.  
  
‘I know. I said that to you _and_ him. But that’s not. That’s not really the reason. It’s not that he didn’t want to move to England for me. I mean, he’s here and even though it’s sweet of him, I don’t want him back.’  
  
Seamus blinked against the cold and the tears and the heartache. ‘You don’t?’  
  
‘No,’ Dean said, and his cheeks were red from the cold. ‘Seamus, the reason it didn’t work out is because I didn’t want to stay in America for him. I wanted to go back. To you.’  
  
Seamus wasn’t breathing.  
He didn’t want his breath to cloud in front of his face and miss even a single second of this moment.  
  
‘But... Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked, when the silence became too much.  
  
Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
When he opened them again, he said the words Seamus had only ever dreamed about hearing.  
  
‘Because I love you _so_ much.’  
  
And the fireworks in Seamus’ heart didn’t explode in fire and smoke after all.  
No, they burst apart in an array of colours  
that brightened Seamus’ whole chest.  
  
‘But I didn’t want to ruin our friendshi—’ Dean continued, and no feckin’ way was Seamus gonna let him finish that cursed sentence.  
  
He grabbed two fistfulls of Dean’s jacket,  
pulled him down,  
and smashed their mouths together.  
  
_BANG_ .  
  
The first fireworks coloured the night sky  
as Dean wrapped both his arms around Seamus  
and kissed him back.  
  
For _real_ .  
  
Red, green, blue and purple exploded around them,  
and they matched the bright colours in Seamus’ chest.  
  
Because this wasn’t fake.  
  
This was feckin’ real.  
  
x

 

* * *

 part 4  
_epilogue_

 

  
The trees were bare,   
and the grass was dead,  
and all the squirrels were sleeping.  
  
‘Y’know,’ Seamus said, ‘Central Park looks a lot more magical in movies.’  
  
Dean laughed. His breath clouded in front of him. ‘I _told_ you we should’ve waited until spring at least.’  
  
‘Nuh-uh. I’m not waiting till spring.’  
  
‘So you’ve said.’  
  
Seamus took another big sip of his hot cocoa.  
It was nearly impossible to hold with his gloves, but no way was he subjecting his fingers to this feckin’ cold.  
  
‘You’ve kept me out of this part of your life for too long,’ he murmured. ‘I’m not wasting a chance to catch up.’  
  
For a few seconds,  
the only sounds were them walking  
and the faraway honking of cars.  
  
When Seamus glanced at Dean, he saw Dean was smiling softly at him.  
  
Immediately, Seamus’ cheeks coloured bright red.  
_Feck_.  
  
So what that they’d dropped everything to go to New York for a few weeks?  
  
Seamus had meant it.  
Now that Dean and him were trying their hand at being boyfriends for real,  
now that Dean had told him everything,  
Seamus wanted to really know everything.  
  
Also, he’d never been to New York  
and this seemed like a grand excuse to go.  
  
‘Feck, it’s so cold,’ Seamus breathed, draining the last of his hot cocoa.  
  
He ran to a bin, a few birds flying away in fright, and chucked the paper cup in.  
  
When he turned around again,  
he had to pause.  
  
Dean was staring off in the distance,  
bundled up in a red scarf and hat,  
his cheeks slightly red too,  
from the cold.  
  
He looked so absolutely gorgeous,  
Seamus’ breath caught.  
  
When Dean felt Seamus’ gaze on him and turned around,  
Seamus was already running towards him.  
  
‘Seamus my coff—’  
  
Seamus wrapped his arms around Dean  
and kissed him.  
  
Dean laughed so loudly it was nearly impossible to kiss,  
but Seamus was nothing if not determined,  
and placed kisses on Dean’s cheeks and nose until Dean stopped laughing and started kissing back in earnest.  
  
They kissed  
and kissed  
and kissed  
until someone complained loudly about them littering _in a fucking park, assholes_.  
  
They broke apart.  
  
Dean immediately bent down to pick up his coffee cup.  
  
‘Mate,’ Seamus said. ‘You dropped your coffee?’  
  
‘What else what I supposed to do!’ Dean said indignantly. ‘You came running at me with your in-love face.’  
  
Dean jogged towards the same bin Seamus had chucked his cocoa in,  
scaring those same, poor birds away.  
  
‘What?’ Seamus said, when Dean returned. ‘I don’t have an “in-love face”.’  
  
‘Yeah, you do,’ Dean said, smiling. ‘It’s very cute.’  
  
Seamus could feel his cheeks heating up again. ‘Well if _I_ have one, then you most definitely have one.’  
  
‘I don’t really mind that though.’  
  
Dean reached for Seamus’ hand, and together they continued walking through a cold Central Park.  
  
‘D’you think Neville got my postcard?’ Seamus asked.  
  
‘Yeah, I reckon it must be there by now.’  
  
x  
  
Dean’s phone started buzzing when they arrived back at their hotel.    
  
He picked up and immediately winced at the loud voice yelling through the device.  
  
‘Here,’ Dean said, holding out the phone. ‘It’s for you.’  
  
Surprised, Seamus stared at the phone. ‘What?’  
  
Dean shook the phone impatiently,  
so Seamus took it and hesitatingly put it at his ear.  
  
‘What the _fuck_ are you doing in New York city?!’ Neville screamed. ‘I had to read on a bloody postcard that you’re in _New York City_!’  
  
Seamus winced. ‘Hi Neville.’  
  
‘Don’t “ _hi Neville”_ me, mate!’  
  
‘Yeah, so, um. Dean and I got together during New Years’. And now we’re on vacation?’  
  
Silence from the other end.  
  
Dread suddenly filled Seamus. ‘Neville, I swear, if you’re crying…’  
  
Neville sniffed. ‘I’m not. I’m still pissed.’ But his voice was all soft and thin and no way was he pissed. ‘You’re coming back though, right?’  
  
‘‘Course we are,’ Seamus said. ‘I couldn’t leave you behind.’  
  
‘Not even if Dean asked you to stay?’  
  
‘Hmm.’ Seamus pretended to think. ‘I would visit you a lot more than Dean did.’  
  
‘Hey!’ Dean said.  
  
Seamus blew him a kiss  
that Dean tried to catch,  
like a dork.

But he was Seamus’ dork.  
  
‘Then it’s okay,’ Neville sniffed. ‘But I’m glad you’re not staying there. How’s New York?’  
  
‘Cold. But it’s cool. I saw a few yellow taxis that looked just like in the movies.’  
  
‘Cool!’  
  
‘Neville?’  
  
‘Yeah?’  
  
Seamus turned a little away from Dean, suddenly feeling awkward, and asked quietly, ‘D’you really believe me?’  
  
‘Believe you how?’  
  
‘That Dean and I got together at New Year’s.’  
  
Neville was quiet for a while. ‘Yeah,’ he said finally. ‘I believe you.’  
  
‘Oh.’ Seamus smiled.  
  
‘The problem was never _if_ , you know,’ Neville said. ‘It was _when_ . I could see you were both crazy for each other, but something needed to happen. Me and Luna thought Dean moving away would be the trigger, but then it wasn’t. So I guess you guys pretending to be dating was finally what did it. If I’d had known, I would’ve forced you to fake-date sooner.’

Seamus laughed. ‘Really…?’  
  
‘No, of course not,’ Neville said. ‘That was a really dumb idea. Whose idea even was it?’  
  
Seamus coughed. ‘So, uh, Dean’s calling me.’ Seamus held the phone away from his face. ‘ _Yeah? I’m coming, hold up,’_ he said to Dean, who was looking at him in confusion. ‘So uh, speak to you later, Neville!’  
  
‘You’re so dumb sometimes, but I still love you,’ Neville said. ‘Have fun with your real boyfriend!’

The words made Seamus’ heart leap inside his chest.  
  
When he gave the phone back to Dean,  
he couldn’t help but repeat them.  
  
_His real boyfriend_ .  
  
Dean gave him a smile. ‘Did Neville yell at you too?’  
  
‘Mhm,’ Seamus hummed, and slowly climbed on Dean’s lap.  
  
Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
He quickly adjusted his position,  
wiping his hands on his pants as he did so.  
  
Nervous.  
So cute.  
  
‘What’s this?’ Dean asked, voice a little breathier than usual.  
  
‘I want to kiss you,’ Seamus said, running his hands over Dean’s chest. ‘And I don’t want to stop kissing you until we’ve both…’  
  
He stopped awkwardly, feeling his face grow hot.  
  
‘Oh?’ Dean said. ‘I do like the sound of that silence.’  
  
Seamus leaned in and pressed a kiss under Dean’s jaw. ‘I dunno if I can promise to be silent, mate,’ he murmured.  
  
When he leaned back,  
Dean was also blushing.  
  
_Score.  
  
_ ‘You can say everything you want,’ Dean mumbled distractedly, eyes roving over Seamus, hands curling around Seamus’ hips.  
  
‘I love you,’ Seamus blurted out.  
  
Dean stilled.  
  
His warm brown eyes slowly looked up,  
and they already held the reply  
before Dean could even say it out loud.  
  
‘I love you too,’ Dean said quietly.  
  
And finally,  
it wasn’t just a word written on parchment.  
  
And finally,  
Seamus could taste it on Dean’s lips as he leaned in  
and kissed him.  


_the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah. It's the end! 
> 
> These boys always make me feel so soft inside. I'm so glad you went on this deamus adventure with me! Thank you so much for reading, and for commenting all those nice things <3 It made me super happy, so thank you!
> 
> And if you want, let me know what you thought of the last chapter :)


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